Apr 302003
Authors: Andrew Whelan

8:00- My alarm goes off. I hit the snooze bar.

10:20- Thirteen “snooze bars” later, I wake to the realization that I have missed a class. Hurriedly, I jump in the shower. I jump out the shower. I get dressed, and I jump in my car.

10:32- I spend 32 minutes trying to park on campus. I thought I had a spot, but some car with a “peace” sticker cut me off and took it. Peace?

11:04-I finally find a spot two blocks away from campus. I am only four minutes late for class, but I have a 20 minute walk.

11:25- I arrive to class a healthy 25 minutes late. I walk past the professor’s evil stare and try to quietly nestle into a chair. I see the disappointed looks of all my classmates. I know that all of you have been late before -what right do you have to judge my lack of punctuality?

11:27- Another student walks into class late. I don my most disapproving frown and give him “the” look -you know, the “I am judging you” look. I feel much better about myself, now.

11:59- I start rustling all my papers and continually zipping and unzipping my backpack. I am trying to casually tell the professor I am ready to leave. I just wish that I could get some food.

12:01- Class is out. I quickly jut past the moving herd. I am the first to hit the doors. Do I hold the door open as I pass through? No way, I go to CSU. The door slams in the face of the poor sap behind me.

12:03- I start to cross the Plaza with the student center in my crosshairs. About 30 feet ahead of me, I see two people with clipboards-Green Peace representatives. I drop my head and pray that they don’t talk to me.

12:05- I explain to the guy from Green Peace that I agree with what he stands for, but I would rather spend $5 on beer than save some rainforest thing.

12:10- I stand with the rest of the free world-in line for cup a coffee. I thought I was hungry, but it is amazing what being poor will do to your stomach. I am calmed by thoughts of having a “real” job and “real” money. Ha …there are no jobs.

12:28- I get my cup of coffee. It isn’t what I ordered, but telling these people that they’re wrong is like telling Tony Soprano that he’s fat.

12:35- I speed back across the Plaza en route to the library. Again, I spot Green Peace. And GreenPeace spots me.

12:42- I finally detach the GreenPeace parasite. GreenPeace should only hire people with exceptional memories. Next time I get solicited twice in one hour, I’m going to play “tuna hunter” and make the representative play “dolphin.”

12:45- I enter the library. I scour three levels for an open chair-special thanks to all the people who are using chairs to prop their feet on. I find a nice, quiet nook.

12:58- A digitized version of 50-Cent’s played-out hit-single radiates from a couple feet away. The girl next to me calmly pulls her loud-ass cell phone out of her bag and proceeds to have a 45-minute conversation about some guy that found out he has crabs.

2:03- It is time for my last class of the day. I exit the library and see an old “friend” about 20 paces away. Really, this is a guy that I don’t want to talk to. I quickly pull out my cell phone and pretend to be having a serious conversation. “I paid my damn bill,” I say, as I pass “the guy.” I point at my phone and shake my head. Disaster averted-no conversation.

2:10- I start class by pretending to listen to the lecture. Then, I zone out. I daydream about nothing at all.

2:46- I listen to a couple words the professor says-something about the Baroque period. I quickly zone out, again. “There’s nothing wrong with moving back in with your parents,” I tell myself. Could I possibly mean that?

3:00- Class is over, and so is one of the last days on campus for a CSU student.

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