Living in Bizzaro World

Mar 252003
Authors: Luke Cornish


I was sitting in class Tuesday trying to figure out the exact day I woke up in a parallel universe that doesn’t come close to the one I grew up in.

Now, true, I moved from the British Isles to Houston, so I deserve a little displacement in my life. But it seems to me as if all roles have been reversed and history is not willing to repeat itself.

Let’s look at the evidence. The best golfer in the world is black and the best rapper is white. Switzerland just won the America’s Cup and CSU is recruiting football players from Boulder.

France is accusing America of being arrogant and Germany doesn’t want to go to war. The men’s basketball team made it to the NCAA tournament while the women’s team only made it to the intramural postseason tourney … sorry, the WNIT.

I mean, I need to be able to hold on to something solid, something that won’t slip away before I lose all touch with reality.

At least I can sit back and watch the men’s NCAA Tournament on my big screen TV and laugh about all the cash I’m going to pick up when my bracket proves to be the superior one in the pool.

I can dream about what I’m going to do with my small fortune . . . wait a minute, what’s that there in the East region? It must be some mistake; please, tell me my eyes deceive me.

What is No. 12 seeded-Butler doing in the Sweet 16? And wait a minute, that looks like Auburn in the same bracket. You’ve gotta be kidding me. There’s a chance that we will see a No. 10 and 12 seed face off in the Elite Eight? That would mean a double-digit seed in the Final Four.

Forget the Middle East; I’m getting pissed off with the East region. What are they thinking? They must realize that I’ve been looking forward to this tournament for the past three months. Yet these two teams seem perfectly happy to ruin my March with their selfish desire to win the championship.

Oh well, there’s always next year. I was so confident of my team-picking abilities I even picked the Rams over Duke, figuring I could make up the points later in the tourney. Looks like that might have been a mistake.

In these times of complete role reversal, maybe my GPA at the end of the semester will be a 3.62 instead of the usual 2.63.

There is one thing the school can do to help get the world back on track: Give the women’s basketball team a realistic shot at winning the WNIT. At least then, the six graduating seniors can taste the success that has been the defining characteristic of their illustrious careers.

How can the school help them achieve this? Well, unlike the NCAA Tournament, the WNIT games are played at one of the teams’ home arena. This decision is not made by seeding or drawing names out of a hat, but rather, it’s done the American way.

That’s right, you get to buy the rights to host the game.

Seeing that the Rams are 16-1 when playing at home, three more home games will give us a good chance to bring home postseason honors in one sport this year.

Luke is a senior journalism major.

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