Well now that I have your attention, there are a few things I need to clear up.
First off, many of you expressed support, and others also rightfully expressed concern with my past columns.
Because of these concerns, I will preface all my future columns dealing with sexual matters with the following advisory warning:
Editor’s note: the following column may contain mature content of a sexual nature. Reader discretion is advised.
I’d also like to take the time to answer a few questions I’ve received from some of my readers recently.
Q. Ryan, are you gay?
A. I’ll try anything once. Twice if there is money or a free buffet involved.
Q. Boxers or briefs?
A. Boxers. Unless I’m going renegade.
Q. Is Ryan Owens your real name?
A. No. It’s a pseudonym.
Q. Are you just one big hormone?
A. Most days, yes.
Q. Ryan, what’s the longest relationship you’ve been in?
A. Two-and-a-half years.
With those probing questions out of the way, I’d like to comment on a conversation I overheard while walking to class the other day.
I found myself walking behind three (presumably) freshman guys leaving Corbett Hall. Normally I wouldn’t choose to eavesdrop upon strangers’ conversations, but this one caught my attention for some reason.
“Dude, I totally saw these two cheerleader chicks making out Friday night,” the first of the teen-boy trio said. “No way!” the other two disputed simultaneously.
Now, normally I would dismiss this conversation as typical male banter and think of something more important to do (like pondering where the stripper at a friend’s bachelor party got her “Jolt” Cola thong underwear).
Just as I was about to lose interest, however, the trio passed another male leaving the dorms and proceeded to call him a “big faggot.”
I couldn’t help but note the irony. Just seconds before, this group of young men were near-orgasm in their pubescent fantasies of two girls engaging in lesbian activities.
My mind quickly shifted away from the shopping habits of the Jolt-Cola-thong-wearing stripper to male hypocrisy.
Why is it sexy for two women to be intimate, yet immoral or disgusting for two men to have any kind of physical, or even close emotional, relationship?
I felt this double-standard necessitated some research.
I approached two females on the plaza and solicited their help. A little hesitant at first, the daring duo agreed to walk closely, hand-in-hand across the plaza. Meanwhile, I was observing the reaction of males around the plaza.
Many did a bit of a double-take and then looked away, while others giggled and pointed.
I knew my next task would not be easy. I asked the girls to join me as I attempted to solicit two males to participate in the same experiment. Needless to say, no guys were willing to take on my challenge.
Many men likely fantasize about bringing a second woman into the bedroom.
Ladies – how many times has the subject of m/nage a trois come up in the bedroom? (with the obvious expectation being that the women are expected to engage each other sexually).
Tired of the question, ladies? Try asking your male counterpart to engage in the same activity with another male – that will likely curb the conversation quickly.
So why has society created such a double-standard for women?
Perhaps it is because many men perceive women as objects of beauty and sexuality – things they find erotic. So therefore, the idea of two girls engaging each other sexually elevates the eroticism for them.
Masculinity, or at least what it has been idealized to be, has taken such a stranglehold on our society that men can’t even give each other a pat on the back without someone calling it queer these days.
And for those of you men who say homophobia doesn’t exist on our campus, I challenge you to walk across the plaza holding another man’s hand – let me know how well that goes for you.
Ryan Owens is a junior Technical Communication major and welcomes your questions, comments, polaroids, morning-after regret statements and hate mail to: firstname.lastname@example.org