Every year, I make a Christmas list.
By no means do I ever get everything I want, but I always put the most long-shot items on there, ’cause you never know how generous the parents will be.
This year, the wish list goes something like this:
– A Broncos game scheduled no later than 9 a.m. For whatever reason, those little, choking sissies can’t function after sunset. Maybe it’s because Mike Shanahan’s thought process on play calling resembles that of a preschooler, or it could be because Jason Elam lacks as much kick as a Mike’s Hard Lemonade. If a game were played in the early morning, maybe the game wouldn’t come down to the foot of Elam, who is probably throwing games because he didn’t get the contract he wanted.
– A convincing – and I mean throttling – win in the Liberty Bowl. CSU lost just two games through 12 games, so to have two losses in the last two games would tarnish the sweet season that this year was. Cecil Sapp set a new school rushing record, Bradlee Van Pelt was voted the Mountain West’s offensive player of the year and Sonny Lubick signed on for the rest of his career. Besides, the Broncos are already falling apart. I can’t handle two choke artists.
– Some sort of deal where the Avalanche doesn’t have to play home games. The Avs are 3-5-5 at home while 6-3-3 on the road. And for that matter, don’t let the Broncos play here, either. They’ve lost three straight at home. Both teams should trade places with the Expos and play some home games in Puerto Rico.
– Rick Reilly, the back-page columnist for Sports Illustrated, to take the place of Woody Paige, a Denver Post sports columnist, as the Denver representative on ESPN’s “Around the Horn.” I had a lot of respect for Paige until he opened his mouth and started making us all look like schmucks. Here’s the top sports broadcasting network in the nation saying Denver has one of the top five sports markets in the country, and we have Paige speaking for us? Reilly lives in Denver – put him on the show. He’ll put Dallas, Boston, L.A. and Chicago all to shame.
– A national championship in a CSU women’s sport. Let’s just face it, it’s not gonna happen with our men. We’re in the wrong conference. But perennially, we have one of the best volleyball and women’s basketball teams in the country. There’s a more level playing field in women’s sports, and we actually have the reputation to bring in some top recruits to really bring home a big prize.
– The Nuggets to make the prospector their official mascot again. Or at least bring rainbow downtown back. The team will never stand out with its play, so it might as well make the highlight reels for some of the best (or worst) uniforms in the league.
– Finally, I’d like for Ken Dorsey to win the Heisman. He’ll be a bust in the NFL, so they might as well give him the most prestigious college football award and guarantee it. I hope Carson Palmer doesn’t get it; he’d be a perfect first-round pick for the Broncos. And with the way the Broncos – the self-proclaimed “best team that won’t make the playoffs” – are playing, they might actually be able to land Palmer with one of the first few picks.
Congrats to Brian Summers on graduating (finally) and I hope everyone else gets more from their Christmas wish list than I will.