Nov 122002
 
Authors: Ken Hamner

“Education, smeducation.”

America’s wang, Florida, is at it again. The head of the wang, Jeb Bush, is sad. He fought against the idea. He told his adoring public there was no way they could actually pay for the idea. But those stupid, stupid voters went and did it anyway. The voters of Florida said, “Yes, we would like to have smaller student-to-teacher ratios in our schools. We believe teachers with 18-25 students per class are happy and effective teachers. We believe happy and effective teachers are good.” This is a silly idea, to be sure, which only passed by a 52-48 percent margin.

I’m quite surprised; in fact, that Governor Bush didn’t call for a recount, just to be sure such a silly idea that he was publicly against actually did pass. I’m sure if half the resources implemented to prove that his dear brother became president were utilized, he could prove that the resolution did, indeed, not pass. But he’s given up too easily this time and now he’s just to deal with it.

I mean, really, people, why does Florida need better education anyway? They seem to doing okay right now, what with paying the least of any state in the nation per capita on education. Sure, they are ranked 49th in the nation in high school graduation rates, but that means there is one state that is worse, right? So what if the classrooms are crowded in Florida? They have some beautiful theme parks and highways to make up for it.

So why would Jeb want smaller class sizes? I mean, in theory, he should because in his campaign he emphasized “better education,” but in practice, we have seen very little money sifted over to schools. Bush, in fact, ridiculed his opponent in the last gubernatorial race because the opponent supported the amendment but didn’t have a concrete plan on how to pay for it (not that Bush offered any creative suggestions of his own). It would appear, then, that Bush only endorses better education in which you don’t spend any money – creative upgrading, I suppose. Now he’s stuck with a huge problem because his stupid constituents got tired of the political rhetoric and decided to force school funding by law in the form of an amendment.

Stupid constituents! Didn’t they know that it would cost around $27.5 billion over the next eight years to pay for what they democratically asked for? How is this going to be done? Jeb says it’s obvious, that they will have to raise taxes and cut other services. Well, gee, Jeb, I guess you might have something.

Funding for education is, like, hard and stuff, just ask the other 49 states in the nation that spend more money on it than Florida. But then, with all those high school dropouts, it’s probably hard to generate tax revenue anyway. It was probably because of their illiteracy that they accidentally passed the amendment anyway. “No Child Left Behind,” indeed. Maybe, just maybe, taxes could be raised without dropping services. I mean, that’s how other states fund education, right? But that’s too easy for Jeb.

Republicans seem to have control of everything now. I honestly don’t care who runs the Congress, the White House or whatever because I hate everyone and everything equally. The good news is, however, that we can’t hear whining and moaning from the Republicans that they couldn’t fulfill their campaign promises because of the mean, evil Democrats. They are going to have to be held accountable for their actions and that, at least, is a good thing.

Jeb is up the bayou without a fan-boat right now. He has to pay for something Floridians want and do it in a way that won’t irritate all the voters and his heavy financial backers. Luckily, he has four years for Floridians to forget whatever he does. The newly elected congressmen across the nation, though, don’t have it so easy. We will be watching. Oh yes, we will be watching.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

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