Diary of a madman

Oct 132002
Authors: Reed Saunders

What a game, huh? If you’re anything like me, those three hours and 20 minutes on Saturday were about enough to drive you batty, no matter how many Keystone Lights you put down beforehand.

So many highs, so many lows, so much side commentary.

With that, here’s how I saw Saturday in my view from the press box:

12:15 p.m.: Good afternoon and welcome to Hughes

Stadium, where the temperature is a balmy 40 degrees and the press box menu includes hot wings and celery. It’s good to be media.

1:07: CSU goes three and out on its first possession. Things are looking up.

1:08: Anka! Huber just got bum-rushed by three Wyoming players, who actually had time to deliberate which one would get the block and score the touchdown. “Nah, you take this one Leonard.” Quite the sight; watching your punt blocking fold quicker than the French in WWII. Tough start for everyone.

1:11: Diesel plows ahead for seven yards on first down. I know “Diesel” is a popular nickname, but at this point I’m calling him Obiwan because, frankly, he’s our only hope.

1:16: Chris “Quiet Storm” Pittman hauls in his second catch of the drive. Pittman is having a breakout year, though few seem to have noticed, hence, the Quiet Storm. This is why they pay me folks.

1:20: Obiwan caps a great drive. 7-7. The gloves are coming off.

1:26: Here’s a stunner: Fourth and 1, and the Wyo. offense is confused. I mean EVERYONE is confused. I think the line coach just made a break for the nacho cart. Looks like a cry for help if you ask me. Beating these guys should be about as hard as warm butter.

1:32: Three simple rules for life: Never let a love interest come between you and your friends, don’t get in staring contests in the Taco Bell drive thru, and do NOT kick to Dexter Wynn. He will burn you like a month-old rash.

1:37: The adventure that is Jeff Babcock. Kick is up, kick is good. 10-7. Always liked that Jeff Babcock.

1:55: “Wyoming tackle by Zach Morris.” I’m still laughing. Coach Belding must be very proud. Way to be, Preppy.

1:59: The phrase CSU fans are so accustomed to hearing. That’s right, “Holland to Sondrup!” Sounds like an Indie film. 17-7.

2:05: Wyoming busts out the dreaded “Let’s all get set then all look at the sideline to see what play we’re gonna run” attack, otherwise known as the retard’s no-huddle.

2:10: I officially hate this. One, they look like idiots. Two, they’re taking forever. And three, it’s actually moving the ball. This is like watching Sergio Garcia waggle. Hit the damn ball already!

2:12: Wyo works the retard no-huddle to perfection. 17-14. My cohort Graziadei sums it up pretty well: “We just got marched on by Wyoming. Gross.”

2:21: The good news, CSU puts together an impressive scoring drive. The bad news, the adventure that is Jeff Babcock just blew the PAT like a three-dollar whore.

Halftime: Grazi sums it up well again: “I just don’t feel good about that half.”

2:35: Attack of the band people! Haven’t seen this many people in uniform since my disco party got busted up back in ’96.

2:55: Wyo’s Jacque Finn just got juke-i-fied by BVP. (And, yes, don’t think I didn’t see the “Jacque losing his Jock” joke.) 30-14.

3:10: Cowboys eat up six minutes of clock and score six. Like Pacino in The Godfather: “Just when I think I’m out… they pull me back in!”

3:18: CSU Interception, Wyo. drive, Wyo. TD. The collective jaw of the press box has dropped. 30-30.

3:26: Justin “J-Money” Holland and Obiwan to the rescue. Cecil just went over 100 yards for the fifth time this year. If that isn’t Jedi-caliber work, I don’t know what is. Hey, if Diesel is Obiwan, maybe the O-Line could be like the minions from Lord of the Rings. I took it too far, didn’t I?

3:50: BVP angry, BVP benched. J-Money is there to pick up the loose change. TD to Bartz, 44-30.

4:20: Here we go again. Wyo. scores, CSU has to recover another on-side kick to clinch the game. Loving this team is like digging the broken chip out of the salsa — It’s not really hard, but it ain’t always pretty.

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