Think ’80’s. Think of pinch-folded stone-washed jeans, hammer pants, New Kids on The Block, bright florescent shirts, jams (those really long shorts) with the also very popular florescent “splashed paint” look, high tops, ALF, Bon Jovi and big hair.
Think of cheesy porn stars, Michael Bolton, WWF wrestlers, Patrick Swayze, soccer players and Billy Ray Cyrus, anything come to mind?
They all have boasted that bi-level haircut, short on the sides and top but long in the back, also known as the “ape drape,” “neck warmer,” or my favorite, “business in the front, party in the back.” They are all proud and professional mullet men and they are all members of the mullitia.
Now I know what you’re thinking, there are a lot of bad rural stereotypes when it comes to mullets. Many people will associate them with men who drive old school Camaros, those who drink Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, mechanics, fans at the monster truck rally, the masculine lesbian and those wearing muscle tees and concert tees that are one size too small. Real quick, envision your own mullet man. And honestly if push came to shove, wouldn’t you rather have someone like this on your side rather than a clean cut, Armani wearing pretty boy?
Well ladies and gentlemen, I am here to let you in on a little not-so-well-known secret, mullets are sexy and they’re coming back. Just look at our very own CSU quarterback and the many women (and men) who weren’t quite sure why, but they were deeply upset when Van Pelt cut his mullet off.
We were upset because deep down inside we love mullets. When walking through the grocery store, boating on the lake or buying parts for those Camaros, we are naturally drawn to those who have mullets and we often watch in awe.
Our obsession with mullets has formed a small cult-like gathering in which we are dedicating our time and energy. You can now buy mullet merchandise, attend concerts dedicated to mullet heads and drive cross-country to attend mullet festivals.
The city of Niceville, Florida will be having the Boggy Bayou Mullet Festival in late October where mullet lovers can enjoy great music, eat fried mullet and gator, and even sign up for the mullet run.
There is a ton of mullet loving music and Web sites out there.
The Beastie Boys were the first musical group to dedicate one of their songs, with 1994’s “Mullet Head,” which references, among other mulleted phenomena, Joey Buttafuoco.
Web sites such as mulletsgalore.com and ratemymullet.com are some of the best sources to see just what this mullet craze is all about. These sites also clear up the difference between the many different shapes a mullet can possess.
That’s right there are hundreds of different styles when it comes to how you wear your mullet. Some of the most famous include the classic mullet, the Camaro mullet, the midgie mullet, the business mullet, the minitruck mullet, the sweathog mullet, the speeddealer mullet, the loch ness mullet and the pre-pubescent virgin mullet.
I mean really what other haircut can offer such versatility and be suitable for so many different characters?
So for those of you out there who are in denial about your love for mullets, now is the time to come out of the mullet closet, the mullet is back and we love it.