A new game for the Big Game

Jan 312002

If you’re anything like me, you’re all ears for a new drinking game.

I mean, you can only get the asshole to drink so many times, and everyone has his or her own rules for King’s Cup. This is why I’ve conjured up a new game to make this year’s Super Bowl a little more interesting.

Make sure you hit up the liquor store Saturday so you’re not left in front of the closed stores on Sunday.

Now, let’s get you started early: Drink four when either Pat Summerall or John Madden mention the St. Louis Rams being “The Greatest Show on Turf.” The game is in the Louisiana Superdome, so they’re bound to mention this at least 12 times. And while we’re talking announcers, drink three when Madden messes with the telestrator and five for every player Summerall misidentifies.

During the game, here’s the back-breaker: Drink one for every point the Rams score. Think that mark of 55 points the 49ers put up on the Broncos can be topped? Me too – this one might knock us out.

Patriots fans, here’s your chance to hang. Rams fans, you’ll already be tanked when this happens, so if you need a break, feel free. Drink 14 if New England scores, whether it’s a field goal, safety, or two-point conversion; whatever it takes to catch up.

But regardless of what happens Sunday, the Patriots have had a magical season. No one expected these guys to beat the Raiders, let alone the Steelers. So drink five every time the Patriots are referred to as a “Cinderella” team. Also remarkable was quarterback Tom Brady taking the NFL by storm, only to be injured in the AFC championship game and replaced by the man he replaced, Drew Bledsoe, who led the team to the big game. But Brady gets the start. Drink three when someone mentions New England’s QB controversy.

The key to New England having a chance in this game is its defense. Drink six every time the Patriots blitz. If they’re successful, Kurt Warner and his quick release will run into some problems. Drink four every time the Rams turn the ball over.

Buzzed yet? Don’t plan on breaking during the longest halftime ever. Drink three every time a new halftime performer comes out on stage. This would have really done it to us last year.

If you happened to buy 3.2 beer or just have a tolerance as high as Nate Newton’s clients, these should help: Drink three whenever St. Louis goes deep and drink two whenever New England runs the ball. And for the lushes, drink four when they mention Bill Belichick as a defensive mastermind, or Mike Martz as an offensive genius.

If you just plain have problems, drink seven after a busted commercial on which some no-name company just dropped $7.3 million.

For those still coherent for the trophy presentation, drink three when Marshall Faulk is handed the MVP trophy. If you want to quit now, the bathroom is down the hall. If you want more, drink one for every time a player thanks God.

Now, it is a school night, so we should be off to the couch. But if you’re still standing, congrats.

Just try making the rest up on your own.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

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