Too School for Cool: Keeping your ex-beau as a buddy

 Beats, Blogs, The Well, Too School for Cool  Comments Off on Too School for Cool: Keeping your ex-beau as a buddy
Mar 152013
 

Author: Allison LeCain

Ex-boyfriends – we all have them.  Some you may want to hide from, while others may be worth keeping around.  As long as one of you didn’t screw up big time in the relationship, breaking up doesn’t have to mean never seeing each other again.  Many people tell horror stories about how disastrous it was trying to be friends with their ex-boyfriend, but that’s probably because they weren’t following the rules.

While being friends with an ex can work, it certainly doesn’t mean the same thing as being friends with just anyone.  The fact that the two of you have been intimate changes the dynamics of the friendship. This rarely means that the two of you can spend all day together, multiple times a week, trading stories and sharing a beer. You will probably never be quite as buddy-buddy as that. But this friendship can mean that you are on good terms, post a “Happy Birthday” message on each other’s Facebook wall, and even hang out occasionally. Here’s how it’s done.

Get Some Space

The most important rule of thumb after a break up is to take some time apart. Don’t call him, don’t text him – don’t have any form of contact with your ex-boyfriend for a few months. Just because you are broken up does not mean that the romantic charge of the relationship has vanished. This will give time to not only get over him, but evaluate whether or not he is worth having a friendship with.

Generally this process takes a couple of months. A good rule to go by is if you get extremely jealous or sad at the thought of your ex-boyfriend having a new woman is his life, you are not ready to be friends.

Don’t consider having a friendship with an ex who has cheated or was abusive in anyway. These people are not worth keeping around and your time will be better used finding new people that will make you happier.

Take it Slow

"Don't bring baggage from an ex-relations...

True story. (Photo credit: deeplifequotes)

When you and your ex-beau decide it’s time to try to be friends, don’t jump in right where you left off. Take things slow by only seeing each other occasionally to ease your way into this new friendship. Don’t get too personal right away because this is where it can get tricky.

When you’re friends with an ex it can be very easy to fall into the ‘friends with benefits’ category, which is not a healthy situation for most people. By establishing normal friendship boundaries, you will be able to keep your ex-beau in your life while still being emotionally ready for romance with a new guy.

When It’s Over, It’s Over

After a break-up, you can’t hold on to the past. If you truly want to get back together with your ex, then make that perfectly clear. Do not use a friendship as an excuse to see your ex, hoping that he will change his mind, stringing you along as you

When you’re ready to just be friends with an ex-boyfriend, keep a close watch on your emotions as to not let the relationship drag on in its half-life. That way you can truly enjoy each others company in a friendly way and not suffer any emotional damage.

V-Day: An Open Letter to the Loveless

 Features, The Well  Comments Off on V-Day: An Open Letter to the Loveless
Feb 142013
 

Author: Jack Krause

Dear whoever finds themselves alone on Valentine’s Day,

Another year has come and passed and the dreaded holiday that celebrates those who can manage to support a relationship and alienates those who can’t is upon us. I’m here to tell you, it’s not so bad. For those who fall into the latter category, here are some tips and bits of advice to let that day come and go.

Remember one thing, your life is incredibly cheaper when out of a relationship. Cheaper in a monetary sense, but also in a time sense. Your time is yours and your money is spent how you want. When you want to do something, it isn’t up for debate, and you have the excess money to pay for it. You have the ability to work on yourself and not worry about another’s romantic emotions.

The other benefit to being single on Valentine’s Day is the fact that you have just joined a large club. This club is filled with other people like you, single and possibly ready to mingle. The ocean is filled with hope and you’ve been given the tools to reel in the right person for you. Also, remember one thing above all else. Love is not defined as being between two people; you are not alone because you have friends and family that love you all the same. Take that normally sorrowful day and make it one of celebration. A happy time for those who may not have romantic love, but more than enough people to call their own.

2013 is a year of new beginnings and fresh starts, make the most of it, and appreciate the present moment. Keep your head up, and love will find you.

Too School for Cool: Love comes in many languages

 Blogs, The Well, Too School for Cool  Comments Off on Too School for Cool: Love comes in many languages
Feb 082013
 

Author: Allison LeCain

Just as each person’s relationship is different, people express their love for one                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           another differently. The 5 Love Languages, a book

Cover of "The 5 Love Languages: The Secre...

The 5 Love Languages via Amazon

written by Gary Chapman, states that if you don’t understand your partner’s ‘love language’, then their love might go overlooked. By recognizing which love languages a person speaks, your appreciation and love for them can grow.

The five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Most people use a few of these to express their love for someone. Personally, my love languages are quality time and physical touch.

If you’ve met someone who speaks the same love languages as you, you’re lucky. Hold on to that one. The reality is that it doesn’t come that easy for most couples, but if you can understand which love languages your partner expresses, then you’ll be able to recognize when they are trying to show their love for you.

I’ve taken this into account with recent relationships I’ve had. For example, my boyfriend is not a big fan of physical touch in public, whereas I am. However, I’ve become OK with that because I know that he speaks a different love language. He uses acts of service to show me he cares, and I’ve got to say, I think I can give up hand-holding forever if I he continues to cook dinner for me every night.

Without knowing what love language your lover speaks, you could discount their love for you. This is part of maintaining a healthy, strong relationship that will withstand the test of time.

 

 

Too School for Cool: Love comes in many languages

 Blogs, The Well, Too School for Cool  Comments Off on Too School for Cool: Love comes in many languages
Feb 082013
 

Author: Allison LeCain

Just as each person’s relationship is different, people express their love for one                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           another differently. The 5 Love Languages, a book

Cover of "The 5 Love Languages: The Secre...

The 5 Love Languages via Amazon

written by Gary Chapman, states that if you don’t understand your partner’s ‘love language’, then their love might go overlooked. By recognizing which love languages a person speaks, your appreciation and love for them can grow.

The five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Most people use a few of these to express their love for someone. Personally, my love languages are quality time and physical touch.

If you’ve met someone who speaks the same love languages as you, you’re lucky. Hold on to that one. The reality is that it doesn’t come that easy for most couples, but if you can understand which love languages your partner expresses, then you’ll be able to recognize when they are trying to show their love for you.

I’ve taken this into account with recent relationships I’ve had. For example, my boyfriend is not a big fan of physical touch in public, whereas I am. However, I’ve become OK with that because I know that he speaks a different love language. He uses acts of service to show me he cares, and I’ve got to say, I think I can give up hand-holding forever if I he continues to cook dinner for me every night.

Without knowing what love language your lover speaks, you could discount their love for you. This is part of maintaining a healthy, strong relationship that will withstand the test of time.

 

 

Valentine’s Day gift guide: 8 ways to make your Valentine’s Day special

 Scene & Heard, The Well  Comments Off on Valentine’s Day gift guide: 8 ways to make your Valentine’s Day special
Jan 262013
 

Author: Hannah Woolums

Many couples have a hard time giving that perfect gift to their significant other. As Valentine’s Day draws near couples everywhere are looking for that memorable gift. But, let’s face it, as college students, money isn’t the most abundant luxury at this point, and it can be a struggle to give something meaningful if you don’t have the money to spend. Here are eight fun and unique ways to celebrate your Valentine’s Day and give a gift that your partner will never forget.

1)      Homemade craft- Not every gift has to be expensive, a lot of what people love most is what comes from the heart. Take some time out and get crafty, showing your significant other just how much they mean to you.

2)      14 things you love- One of the best things someone can hear is why you love them or why they are special to you. This Valentine’s Day give your significant other the things about them that you love most. Since Valentine’s Day is on Feb. 14 give them 14 reasons why they mean so much to you. Have fun; you don’t have to make it all serious. This is a perfect way to give them a meaningful gift without breaking the bank.

3)      Cook dinner- Everyone has heard the saying, ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’, so this Valentine’s Day create a romantic dinner for just the two of you. Light some candles and cook his favorite meal, or for guys looking to impress their girl, change it up and plan a romantic evening for her.

4)      Framed picture- Although it may seem like a small gesture, frame one of your favorite pictures of you and your significant other together. This is something that will be treasured for a long time and shows that you are committed to your relationship. If you can’t pick just one, make a collage to commemorate all of the fun times you have had as a couple.

5)      14 little presents- If you can’t decide what to get your partner, think about the little things day to day that make them happy. Hide them in places where they can find them throughout the day, and make it simple. It can be their favorite candy, movie, or even a note reminding them of how much you love them.

6)      Trip to the Spa- Guys, if you are looking for that special something for your girl, then get her a day at the spa. With the start of the semester, stress is almost unavoidable, so make sure she has a way to unwind and relax. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, even a manicure or pedicure would be perfect for a relaxing day.

7)      Romantic home date- There is nothing more special than spending time with the one you love, but when you go out that time can get interrupted. For this holiday, plan a night at home. You can make it different themes, like a movie theater night. Get them specialized popcorn holders and all of their favorite toppings.  Dim the lights and enjoy your favorite films in the comfort of your own home.

8)      Get out of town-  Plan a time for both of you where you can go out and do your own thing. Give your partner the gift of spending time with you. Go on a winter hike or head up to the slopes. This will give you a romantic getaway that the two of you can enjoy together.

Valentine’s Day gift guide: 8 ways to make your Valentine’s Day special

 Scene & Heard, The Well  Comments Off on Valentine’s Day gift guide: 8 ways to make your Valentine’s Day special
Jan 262013
 

Author: Hannah Woolums

Many couples have a hard time giving that perfect gift to their significant other. As Valentine’s Day draws near couples everywhere are looking for that memorable gift. But, let’s face it, as college students, money isn’t the most abundant luxury at this point, and it can be a struggle to give something meaningful if you don’t have the money to spend. Here are eight fun and unique ways to celebrate your Valentine’s Day and give a gift that your partner will never forget.

1)      Homemade craft- Not every gift has to be expensive, a lot of what people love most is what comes from the heart. Take some time out and get crafty, showing your significant other just how much they mean to you.

2)      14 things you love- One of the best things someone can hear is why you love them or why they are special to you. This Valentine’s Day give your significant other the things about them that you love most. Since Valentine’s Day is on Feb. 14 give them 14 reasons why they mean so much to you. Have fun; you don’t have to make it all serious. This is a perfect way to give them a meaningful gift without breaking the bank.

3)      Cook dinner- Everyone has heard the saying, ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’, so this Valentine’s Day create a romantic dinner for just the two of you. Light some candles and cook his favorite meal, or for guys looking to impress their girl, change it up and plan a romantic evening for her.

4)      Framed picture- Although it may seem like a small gesture, frame one of your favorite pictures of you and your significant other together. This is something that will be treasured for a long time and shows that you are committed to your relationship. If you can’t pick just one, make a collage to commemorate all of the fun times you have had as a couple.

5)      14 little presents- If you can’t decide what to get your partner, think about the little things day to day that make them happy. Hide them in places where they can find them throughout the day, and make it simple. It can be their favorite candy, movie, or even a note reminding them of how much you love them.

6)      Trip to the Spa- Guys, if you are looking for that special something for your girl, then get her a day at the spa. With the start of the semester, stress is almost unavoidable, so make sure she has a way to unwind and relax. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, even a manicure or pedicure would be perfect for a relaxing day.

7)      Romantic home date- There is nothing more special than spending time with the one you love, but when you go out that time can get interrupted. For this holiday, plan a night at home. You can make it different themes, like a movie theater night. Get them specialized popcorn holders and all of their favorite toppings.  Dim the lights and enjoy your favorite films in the comfort of your own home.

8)      Get out of town-  Plan a time for both of you where you can go out and do your own thing. Give your partner the gift of spending time with you. Go on a winter hike or head up to the slopes. This will give you a romantic getaway that the two of you can enjoy together.