Jul 112012

Author: CollegeAveStaff

By Kelly Sterner

Dr. A. Lawrence Lowell said, “Of course there’s a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates…”

There are some things you learn in college that books won’t teach you and you will surely laugh about later. I offer a few of the amusing facts I’ve learned in the past four years of college that actually stuck.


1. Girls who ride bikes with baskets on the front will run you over, so bob and weave accordingly.


2. Hanging out at the Ramskeller at the end of the month is like speeding down Pitkin at the end of the month. Just like cops, guys at the Ramskeller have a quota to meet.


3. It is possible to only go grocery shopping every three months. The checker at Wal-Mart will chuckle when you roll up with two baskets and an economy-size, hand-crafted assorted box of ramen, but it’s economical.


4. When the library has failed you because of the paint fumes, drilling, and you lost your sticky note map to the bathroom, create a makeshift study zone on your porch. All you need is an egg crate, pillow, and a camping lantern. Don’t use a flashlight because frankly you look suspect.


5. Math is not for all of us, so do yourself a favor and take MATH 130.


6. I attended college in the wrong era. My mom’s Colorado State University yearbook (yup, she had a yearbook) shows kegs in the dorm, A Rolling Stones concert on campus, and bad dorm food. What do I get in my generation: quiet hours, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, and the same dorm food, only it’s dressed up in a nifty disguise of edibleness.


7. No one knows where Denver is. When someone asks what part of Denver you’re from, Littleton is not an answer. Littleton, Aurora and Highlands Ranch are not Denver. That’s like saying, “Oh, Broomfield huh, so you’re from Niwot.”


8. If you’re a criminal justice major, don’t share this with a cop like you’re colleagues. When they’re on the fence about writing you a ticket, this stupidity will factor in.


9. Parking services is crafty. Removing your wiper blades to avoid a ticket sounds genius, but it’s not. Those sneaksters carry Scotch tape.


10. Finally, tour guides are liars. I spent almost my entire college career in Clark and damn near five classes in Clark A101.

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