Screwing racism, literally

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Apr 172012
 
Authors: Morgan Mayo

I met my Mexican boyfriend at a party filled with white people. The first time I saw him, he was carrying a box of Bud Light and fending off a drunk girl who kept trying to lick his nipple ring. I knew right then and there that he would be mine.

I was initially attracted to him because I had consumed a large amount of tequila that night and was really in the mood for some drunk Mexican food. I figured if I forced him to take me to his house and then camped out on his couch long enough, he would eventually cook me some.

To initiate conversation, I drunkenly staggered over to him, pointed to an innocent white boy and slurred something along the lines of, “You can probably fight because you have tattoos and you’re Mexican. That white guy keeps harassing me. Punch him.”

You know you’ve found the real deal when the beginning of your relationship is based solely on racial stereotypes. That night I never got my Mexican food, but I got something even better. I got a Mexican boyfriend.

Although today’s world is infinitely more educated and politically correct than ever before, there’s still a lot of ugly racism out there. And I’m not talking about racial stereotypes that comedians use to make a punch-line. I’m talking about people who are uneducated enough to believe that certain races are inferior to others and therefore do not deserve the rights and respect that are due to all mankind.

But luckily, there is something that each and every one of you can do to change this! This week, as an intelligent student body and the world’s future leaders, we should all unite and say screw racism by literally screwing someone of a different race.

Just remember that interracial dating is more than a political statement. Take a look at all the cool things screwing someone of a different ethnicity can do for you.

Learn a New Language

Even if your new significant other can speak English, it’s important to realize that each race still has their own specific language of slang, insults and nicknames. When deciphering text messages and Facebook chat, Urban Dictionary is going to be your new best friend.

For example: during the first couple of weeks after we met, I was under the impression that my Mexican boyfriend was giving me an endearing Spanish nickname. In actuality I’m pretty sure he was calling me something along the lines of “s*** stain.”

Look up the word before you brag about your new nickname to all of your friends.

It’s also important to not get overly excited about all the new vocabulary you’re learning. It’s cute when you call yourself “baby thug” occasionally, but if you go overboard with the lingo, you’re just going to look like a poser.

Learn New Skills

When I went through my Asian invasion phase in high-school, I got really good at playing DDR.
Hanging out with black men taught me that only white people actually “get low” when the song tells you to.

My Mexican boyfriend imparted the invaluable knowledge that being able to roll your R’s has many wonderful uses in life, the least of which is language.

And white boys. Well, they taught me to play Scrabble.

The point is that each ethnicity you date has a new and exciting plethora of skill sets for you to master. Interracial dating can make you a well-rounded, diverse individual.

Immerse Yourself In New Cultures

Now you may find yourself slightly uncomfortable when you’re initially immersed in a culture completely different from your own. The main idea here is not to make it incredibly obvious that you’re out of your element.

For example: You may find it hilarious that you’re riding in a car with hydraulics that goes up and down at stoplights. But chances are your new boo is not going to be entertained when you take a bunch of pictures in their car and create a Facebook album called “Ridin’ Dirty”.

Play it cool, have a sense of humor and try not to embarrass yourself. Your interracial relationship may just end up being the best you ever had.

It’s your responsibility to join the movement. Unite with me and say “screw racism,” literally.

Awkward times are ahead my friends! But until we meet again…

Cheers!

Morgan Mayo is a junior creative writing major. Her columns appears Wednesdays in the Collegian. She can be reached at letters@collegian.com.

 Posted by at 3:58 pm