Mar 222012
Authors: Eugene Daniels

Well CSU … Hell week is officially over. Is it just me, or does the week right after spring break always feel like being a Republican? You know you’re not getting anything out of it, but you’re already in too deep to quit. (Sorry Republicans, but the Trifecta of idiots in your primaries make it really easy to pick on you. Time to jump ship now.)

I don’t know what you guys did for your week, but I headed to New York with some friends, and I am proud to report that the subway still smells like feces and piss, just like we all know and love. You can complain about Colorado’s stupid weather all you want, but if you can walk down the street without receiving a rain of piss in the Big Apple, they throw you a party.

That is a perfect segue into the Eugene quote to live by (actually, they literally have nothing to do with each other, but I left my brain on 52nd street, so get over it):

“There are a lot of influences in life. You have your parents when you’re young, and then you receive more great role models like the girls from ‘16 and Pregnant.’ But the one thing about actually growing up is that you actually have to start making decisions on your own. I graduate in a month, and I have given this a lot of thought: Growing up sucks. You have to do things on your own and hope that the influences you have received thus far keep you from streaking in the Oval. If there’s one thing I have learned, it’s that you never stop being influenced. But real grown-ups decide what they let affect them, of what they let in their life. That’s real growing up (and streaking in the Oval is also a vital part of growing up. Everyone should do it. Matter of fact, drop this paper and run over there now screaming ‘What’s in your beard, Tony!?’).”


_Dear NoBS,

So my family has never been super religious, but we went to church on the big holidays and every once in a while, but now I have decided to pursue something totally different than what my family “practices.”

My only worry is that my mother, who I am extremely close to, will be so upset she won’t speak to me again. I know her, and she doesn’t like change, and she really is very protective of my family because of past history. I don’t think this will go over too well.

So my question is: Do I tell my family, and if so, do you have any tips?


Well ToPrayOrNotToPray,

First of all, I want to say this: If whatever you joined makes you sacrifice a goat or a chicken, you run out of that place because a Lohan owns it and the meth will soon be pouring out of the walls.

But this is the deal: I have a protective mom too, so I understand that type of relationship as well. And yes, you should absolutely tell your mom because if you guys have a good relationship, lying and keeping secrets will be as detrimental to your relationship as Palin was to McCain’s life.

But you have to go into this with a positive attitude. If you have already accepted defeat before you’ve even had the conversation, there is no point in bringing it up, because it will be clear that you don’t have a lot of stock in what you’re saying. That’s the first tip.

Second tip is to realize one thing: You will most likely be met with some resistance, which is normal if your mom doesn’t like change. (Since this isn’t my issue, I don’t have to be positive.) She will probably be defensive and hurt but you have to see that you are the one that changed the game, so it will be up to you to more patient if your family isn’t on board.

You’re going to want to yell back at them and be frustrated at them for not accepting you. However, because this is something you did, you have to be the one to be more mature than everyone else. Sucks, I know, but it’s the truth.

Last tip: Be honest. Don’t hide anything about this religion. Even take your family with you to a meeting or service, or virgin sacrifice or whatever you guys do. If they go, it doesn’t mean they will accept it. It’ll probably take some time and anger on everyone’s part, but it’s possible. Just look at Kim Kardashian; when she told her family she wanted to go from being good at nothing but being rich to being famous for being good at nothing and richer, they stuck behind her.

It’s basically the exact same thing.

If you want to submit a question or just send hate mail (I love either), send an email to Eugene Daniels is a senior journalism major. He can be reached at

 Posted by at 4:11 pm

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