You either like Twitter or you donâ€™t â€“â€“ and I do.
I donâ€™t need to have conversations with anyone save for the occasional â€œ@â€ comment and response, and it fits nicely into my reclusive schedule. Plus, itâ€™s a great source of information.
It also brings out the illiteracy and Touretteâ€™s in celebrities that you wouldnâ€™t normally get to experience (see below: Cher). Normally Iâ€™m a grammar enthusiast, but Twitter is an exception. Itâ€™s such an interesting phenomenon when famous adults throw their ability to spell or to create full thoughts out the window. Itâ€™s a delight.
There are plenty of Twitter accounts that have great intellectual insight, but Iâ€™m going to focus on a few that make me laugh (intentionally or non-intentionally).There are already a lot of Twitter lists out there, but you should read mine anyway. Iâ€™ll even include a few favorite tweets.
Some people who are good at cramming thoughts into 140 characters (All tweets will appear as they were originally posted):
1. @cher, a.k.a. Cher: Iâ€™ve always been aware that Cher is a sassy person. Not personally, but through Kathy Griffin stand-up concerts and the movie â€œBurlesque.â€ I was excited to hear that she finally had a Twitter because of my deep love for the song â€œBelieve.â€ But her Twitter is something else. â€œGhettoâ€ is the only word that comes to mind. She fights people. Internet trolls canâ€™t touch her. She abbreviates the f-bomb with a simple â€œfk.â€ Overall, a grand time. The tweet below is exactly as it appears on her page.
â€œFk!! I did my vocal,Its not up2 me!Think What u WantRT
thefaithmonster:hate cher ignores“The Greatest Thing”,think it was publicity stunt.â€
2. @SamuelLJackson, a.k.a. Samuel L. Jackson: He consistently uses creative spellings of the swear word mother******. I wouldnâ€™t expect anything less.
3. @JennyJohnsonHi5, a.k.a. Jenny Johnson: If you have the capacity to get offended by anything ever, I wouldnâ€™t go to this particular Twitter account. If crude humor isnâ€™t your thing, seriously: do not go to her page. Iâ€™m not sure who she is other than what she says in her short bio. But whoever she is, her Twitter jokes are obscene and true. Most of the time, you laugh out loud because of how horrible they are. Certainly not safe for work.
â€œMy stepdaughter told me she loves Nickelback, so I hit her in the neck with a hammer.â€
4. @perlapell, a.k.a. Paula Pell: The name Paula Pell may not ring any bells, but she has been writing for Saturday Night Live for over a decade. Currently the head writer on the show, she has a lot of additional writing experience. Definitely check her out for live-tweet coverage of various award shows.
â€œmadonna’s boobs are on the edge of glory.â€
5. @meganamram, a.k.a. Megan Amram: Another person I donâ€™t know much about, but sheâ€™s big on Twitter â€“â€“ quirkier, nerdier and more obscure sort of jokes and observations. Also has a notable and disturbing wallpaper photo. She has a fantastic blog, too. Definitely read all of her blog posts.
â€œI hate when my Rosetta Stone autocorrects SCARAB–HAND–CAT to EYE-RAVENâ€
6. @Andy_Richter, a.k.a. Andy Richter: Iâ€™m a big fan of Conan Oâ€™Brien and henceforth, a fan of Andy Richter. Though I honestly preferred Max Weinhouse as Conanâ€™s sidekick, Andy is just fine (plus I loved his part in â€œArrested Developmentâ€). But I think I prefer Andyâ€™s Twitter to Conanâ€™s Twitter. Plus, Andy retweets the best stuff.
7. @ladygaga, a.k.a. Lady Gaga: I follow Lady Gaga everywhere, over all platforms, so obviously she ended up on this list. If you donâ€™t like Lady Gaga â€” actually, you know what? I donâ€™t have time to argue with people who donâ€™t like Lady Gaga.
8. @pattonoswalt, a.k.a. Patton Oswalt: Not my favorite on â€œKing of Queens,â€ but a great stand-up comedian, and superb Twitter-er. I would consider his humor more â€œedgyâ€ (which isnâ€™t really a thing on Twitter, but bear with me). Definitely some pop-culture references that even I donâ€™t understand. But thatâ€™s okay, learning is good.
9. @SteveMartinToGo, a.k.a. Steve Martin: If you like Steve Martin, then of course youâ€™ll enjoy his tweets. My only complaint is that they are few and far between.
â€œMy vow: if I can’t think up anything interesting to say, I will say it on Twitter.â€
iamsambee, a.k.a. Samantha Bee: My favorite â€œDaily Showâ€ correspondent. Proceed and read.timcarvell “Kramer vs Kramer vs Predator” #awesomesequelsâ€
Get off Facebook and hop on Twitter. Happy time-wasting!
Emily Luft is senior journalism major. Her column appears every other Friday in the Collegian. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.