I believe itâ€™s the things you learn outside of class that dictate the importance of what you learn within it.
You see, I am a shallower person than I would like to admit â€” especially when Iâ€™m drunk. Shiny, voluptuous and exotic things are more likely to drive my actions until Iâ€™m left waking up in the morning and asking myself, â€œWhy the hell did I do that last night?â€
A prime example would be the Australian girl I met at the bar a couple weekends ago. I have a weakness for accents. The fact that she was rude, mean, judgmental and overly emotional didnâ€™t bother me because she said â€œmateâ€ instead of â€œfriend.â€
As I stated before, I have the capacity to be very simple and shallow under the right influence.
So the Australian and I spent a majority of the night in pursuit of maintaining our dulled state with a continuum of alcoholic beverages. My persona altered over the course of the night into the superhero I like to call â€œAll Action and No Thought Manâ€ (itâ€™s a working title).
The night dwindled into the early hours of the morning, and she and her roommate invited me to go back to their place. They decided to be practical and take a limo home instead of the traditional yellow cab.
Since they said I didnâ€™t need to pay, I made no fuss to their choice of transportation, and got in without a word. Five or four other strangers hopped in with us, and the Australianâ€™s roommate started collecting money.
After getting out of the limo, the roommate ran past me out of the door and yelled, â€œRun!â€
All Action and No Thought Man ran.
I ran into a house that was only 50 feet away and completely visible to the limo driver. Two minutes later a cop car came to the house and asked us if we had gotten out of a limo a couple seconds ago.
Itâ€™s an amazing phenomena I may never fully grasp â€” how quickly I can sober up at the sight of blue and red flashing lights. Not because Iâ€™m always dealing with police, but when I do, I become completely coherent no matter what Iâ€™ve consumed prior to seeing those dazzling lights.
At 3:30 in the morning, sitting on the pavement in front of some strange house, having an officer shine a flashlight at my eyes and telling me to stay still, I realized that Australian accents are not all that they are cracked up to be.
It was also then that the words of the philosopher Saerte popped into my head, whom Iâ€™ll paraphrase: â€œFree will is a responsibility and not a gift.â€
What he meant by that is simple: What you choose to believe, you have to
question whether itâ€™s true, in order to hold onto it and be responsible for what actions are derivatively spawned by your belief.
Remembering those words in that particular moment made me realize a couple things. The girlâ€™s accent was awesome, but she sucked, and I needed to move past her exotic attributes. All Action and No Thought Man should better serve the public by limiting the amount of time he spends around it.
I was lucky. Because I didnâ€™t take any money, and I wasnâ€™t the one who promised to pay â€” I was let go with just a good story to tell later.
My superhero persona came out again two nights later in Old Town, driven by a bottle of honey whiskey and the company of good friends. Just inside of the square, a guy was getting mugged.
Again, I ran without thinking, but this time for the right reason.
Not to give any pointers to muggers, but I feel like you should be fast if youâ€™re going to do something that requires a speedy escape.
I must have been 100 feet behind the mugger, but I caught up to him in about five seconds. All the while, I was wearing beaten-down moccasins that have possibly 30 percent of their sole left â€” and I had very little grasp of my equilibrium. But I still caught him.
When my friend asked me why I had ran after the mugger, I said, â€œIâ€™d want someone to do the same thing for me.â€
And I guess that makes a lot more sense than almost getting arrested for some awesome Australian acccent.
Collegian staff writer Adam Suriel-Gestwicki can be reached at email@example.com