Jan 192012
 
Authors: Emily Altimari

Known for never leaving home without his lacrosse stick and for friendly butt slaps accompanied by the casual “LAX or die, brah”, Matt “Trick Daddy” Sedrick will be deeply missed by the CSU community. The 21-year-old avid lacrosse player truly lived and died by the mantra printed on many of his cut-off tanks, Nalgene bottles and bumper stickers: “LAX or die.”

Last Friday at 2:00 p.m., Matt’s friends, self-dubbed “the Brazilian LAXers,” decided to play Frisbee shirtless in the IM fields in lieu of their regular afternoon stick-and- ball session.

“It was a very risky decision, and like some of us were tweakin’ hardcore about it,” laments Brazilian LAXer Bryce Flanagan. “But hey, if you live on the edge you live on the edge, right? Swaggin’ and steezin’ all day.”

Sedrick understood the dangers of not LAXing, but proceeded to play Frisbee until he passed away eight minutes later after an allegedly “sick diving catch.” Sedrick’s friends spent roughly 10 minutes debating what to do with his lifeless body in the IM fields, hesitant to leave their close and heated game of ultimate frisbee, before deciding to call RamRide to take Sedrick’s body to the Poudre Valley Hospital.

Three hours later, RamRide arrived to pick up Sedrick’s body, accompanied by some of his closest friends and Frisbee foes. RamRide volunteer Alyssa Strumph described the incident to the Collegian stating, “I wanted to ask a lot of questions like ‘Is that guy dead?’ but RamRide has a strict ‘No Questions Asked’ policy, and I didn’t want to get fired because I was hungry and wanted the free pizza.”

Sedrick arrived at the hospital dead, grasping his shaft. Dr. Stu Pedasso at the Poudre Valley Hospital, reports that the cause of Sedrick’s death was most likely anaphy-lax-stick shock. This is not the first instance of anaphy-lax-stick shock that the Poudre Valley Hospital has seen.

According to hospital records, in the past three years, there has been a drastic increase in the number of cases of anaphy-lax-stick shock in the Fort Collins area. Researchers predict that anaphy-lax-stick shock will soon surpass broverdosing as the leading cause of death in and around the CSU community.

Principal symptoms of anaphy-lax-stick shock include incessant wrist rotation, identified by broologists as “air-cradling,” and enlargement of the holes of the patient’s cut-off tank to expose a maximal amount of the patient’s side, armpit hair and oblique muscles. Other symptoms include the insatiable urge to post Facebook statuses regarding lacrosse and the need to constantly carry a lacrosse stick around public areas.

Anaphy-lax-stick shock can often be provoked by drinking too many protein shakes, but leading experts suggest that the only way to prevent it entirely is to play lacrosse for a minimum of five hours a day. Anaphy-lax–stick shock mainly affects males between the ages of 17 to 25 who have been exposed to the sport of lacrosse and enjoy listening to Mac Miller.

However, last November, there was a reported case of an 80-year-old woman with this illness in Aurora, Colorado that researchers are still investigating.

Nevertheless, Sedrick’s death has deeply affected CSU and the Fort Collins area, spreading awareness about the risks of anaphy-lax-stick shock. Matt’s family and friends remember him fondly and hope that his legacy will be more than that of a “victim of anaphy-lax-stick shock”.

“Matt would always tweet about lacrosse,” remembers friend and fellow Brazilian LAXer, Jack “Hacky Sack” Patry. “His hashtags always got me really pumped for our game. Just really great stuff, like ‘#lehgoboys’. It just really makes a bro think, you know. Like, I have no choice but to LAX or die.”

Apart from Lacrosse, Matt enjoyed Dave Matthews Band, John Mayer’s cover of Tom Petty’s song “Free Fallin’.” his golden retriever Chewbacca and Skyping with his mom. A memorial service will be held tomorrow evening at 7:30 p.m. on the IM fields. Come cradle a ball in Matt’s honor.

Emily Altmari is a sophomore zoology major. She realizes absolutely none of the above is factual, and she hopes you do too. She can be reached at letters@collegian.com

 Posted by at 3:27 pm

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.