Dec 062011
 
Authors: Matt Miller

So far the top 10 grossing films of 2010 have made a combined total of $7,551,932,567. This is enough money to give everyone on the planet about $1. Since numbers and money are probably the last thing you want to read about this week, I’ll stop talking about it. I just wanted to point out how much money that was.

For this column, which will be my last until 2012, I have created a list of the top 10 grossing films in 2011 so far. There is also a description of each film in the form of a haiku.

I have done this for a few different reasons. First off, with the stress of hell week and finals week looming, I don’t have the time or energy to write a well researched and argued 800-word column. Also, I doubt you will want to add to your overly stressed brain by reading a well-researched and argued 800-word column. You might not have noticed, but I have filled the same space as an 800-word column using only 400 words. Go ahead count them.

Also, these movies took millions of dollars to produce by hundreds of people over a span of years, yet they can be summed up in 17 syllables. Here they are:

“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2” –– $1,328,111,219 grossed worldwide:

Oh Hermione
Oh your 4-syllable name
Why are you with Ron?

“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” –– $1,123,196,189 grossed worldwide:

Megan Fox is gone
The script, plot, acting still suck
At least things explode.

“Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” –– $1,043,871,802 grossed worldwide:

The first one was great
Arr, pirates and eyeliner
Can’t they just end this?

“Kung Fu Panda 2” –– $663,024,542 grossed worldwide:

It costs $15
To see a film in 3D
At least there’s Jack Black

“Fast Five” –– $626,137,675 grossed worldwide:

Vin Diesel is bald
Like the tires of his cars
This movie was long

“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1” –– $587, 926,409 grossed worldwide:

What a funny film
Still don’t get why they sparkle
Don’t ever give birth.

“The Hangover Part II” –– $581,464,305 grossed worldwide

The wolf pack is back.
Too bad wolves in “Twilight” are
funnier than this.

“The Smurfs” –– $561,718,041 grossed worldwide:

Katy Perry’s voice!
A 1980s cartoon
Neil Patrick Harris

“Cars 2” –– $551,846,625 grossed worldwide:

No Vin Diesel here
Guess Pixar can make mistakes
NASCAR is not cool

“Rio” –– $484,635,760 grossed worldwide:

Something about birds
At least it’s not a sequel
I hate George Lopez.

News Editor Matt Miller is a junior journalism major. hHs column appears Wednesdays in the Collegian. Please send your movie haikus to his Twitter Official_MattM or to letterscollegian.com.

 Posted by at 1:44 pm

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