Pedestrian Perils

 Uncategorized
Dec 052011
 
Authors: Amy McDaniel

Danger.

It’s on every corner of our beloved campus. It’s above us, below us and all around us. We don’t like to talk about it much; the risks CSU students endure is somewhat of a taboo subject.

But they’re out there.

The journey to and from classes is plagued by the constant threat of being trampled by overeager bookworms who just can’t stop to smell the roses. Hoards of sorority sisters travel in packs that flank so wide one must break out in to a run to avoid being close lined by their unbreakable chain. It’s like a game of Red Rover gone horribly wrong.

And what upperclassman can forget the terror of. . . Humans vs. Zombies! Where else but on a college campus must you worry about watching your back for overexcited, bandana-wearing, nerf gun-yielding war enthusiasts during the longest game of tag ever played? But zombies are the least of our worries.

“Trying not to get hit by a car or another person on a skateboard” is a common concern students face, according to Freshman Luis Villanueva.

It’s true; our mobile classmates plow through dismount zones and crosswalks, scattering crowds of pedestrians without a care in the world.

But don’t worry, they get their comeuppance.

Skateboarders and bicyclists face perhaps even more menacing hazards than anyone. Sure they look cool gliding along with an air of nonchalant indifference, but have you ever seen a skater slap a high five to an admiring passerby who maintains contact a little too long?

Yeah, coolness terminated. The skater is hopelessly hooked to his enthusiast as his board speeds forward without him. The result: an embarrassing flail followed by a walk of shame.

Inanimate objects pose a clear threat to cyclists and skaters. Particularly the zoned-out ones with iPod buds in their ears. They never even see it coming.

Rocks. Just as deadly on the ground as in the hands of a fifth-grade bully. A wheel’s worst enemy, it’s the little ones you’ve got to look out for. Those devils jump out of nowhere.

In December, Old Man Winter strikes with a vengeance, adding to the perils endured by defenseless students.

The ice and snow envelop campus from time to time, refusing to dissipate. Beware of shady areas, for they are nothing but ice traps you should never attempt to conquer. One slip could land you flat on your backside surrounded by mirthless laughter. The bruise on your butt will heal but the sting of the shame may never fade away.

Freshman Cody Knobel can attest to this.

“I almost ate it pretty hard today,” he informed me. Haven’t we all, Cody.

“Falling icicles. That’s pretty dangerous,” Knobel added with a look of pure terror in his eyes. No doubt a reflection of past experiences that still haunt him. The crystal daggers hang ominously from the sides of buildings like Clark A, awaiting a chance to plunge in to the skull of an innocent student.

Recently the snow has found new methods for madness and treachery in the form of falling tree branches. The snow picks the weakest prey to encase, which snaps under the pressure and poses a serious threat to every man, beast and car that dare to cross beneath them. Students no longer feel safe walking through places like the once picturesque Oval which is now a botanical graveyard.

“Oh, but I’m too smart for all that,” I hear you say, “None of these things will hurt me.” It is just that kind of naivety that could get you killed one of these days. So keep your guard up. Whether it be a zombie-wannabe, stalactite or snowflake, never underestimate the damage it can do.

A word to the wise, stick close to your friends for safety. Unless they’re on a skateboard.

 Posted by at 8:59 am

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