Dec 042011
Authors: Joe Vajgrt

In an announcement on Saturday, Herman Cain revealed that he is suspending his bid to be the GOP’s candidate for president.

The announcement came after several allegations alleging sexual misconduct from the embattled former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza.

Woman after woman came forward alleging that Cain –– who has been married for more than 43 years –– behaved in a sexually inappropriate manner. Not that it mattered to voters, though.

When the accusations first started surfacing, Cain’s poll numbers actually kept going up as donations poured in.

The nail in Cain’s campaign coffin came after single mother of two, Ginger White, brought allegations of a 13-year affair with Cain –– this time with phone records as proof of their relationship. Voters finally had no choice but to lend the accusations credence.

Cain certainly didn’t help his cause along the way by saying things like, “For every one person that comes forward with a false accusation, there are probably thousands who will say that none of that sort of activity ever came from Herman Cain.”

Even if you can somehow manage to ignore Cain referring to himself in the third person, this is still a very disturbing quote.

First off, let’s do the math. If there are roughly 150 million women in America, and Cain harassed one for out of every, oh, let’s say 10,000 women, Cain just admitted to 15,000 women who could potentially claim sexual misconduct.

Perhaps that’s why he told Wolf Blitzer on CNN that, “off the top of his head,” Cain couldn’t come up with the names of any more women who may come forward with accusations.

If there were 15,000 women about to accuse me of sexual misconduct, I might have a hard time remembering their names “off the top of my head,” too.

Fictional, exaggerated numbers aside, there seems to be a fatal flaw in the logic of the excuse itself. Can you imagine John Wayne Gacy taking the stand and saying, “For every young boy I raped and murdered, there are literally millions that I didn’t”?

In today’s GOP, such a statement very well may have improved Gacy’s poll numbers.

It didn’t matter to potential voters that Cain has exactly zero experience holding public office. It didn’t matter that the National Restaurant Association paid out a year’s salary to a woman who accused Cain of inappropriate sexual behavior while he was the president of the organization, and it didn’t matter when Sharon Bialek accused Cain of asking for a sexual favor in exchange for a job, either.

I can’t explain how the party that impeached President Clinton for a White House B.J. could simply look away from the pile of evidence mounting against Cain.

Cain is a know-nothing former leader of a crappy pizza chain who has a voracious sexual appetite, no foreign policy credentials besides insulting the people of Ubecki-becki-becki-stan (known as Uzbekistan in the real world) and a tax plan that guts the poor and middle class while giving the wealthiest Americans a little more spending money for their yachts.

In other words, he was the ideal GOP candidate.

Now that the Cain Train is derailed and the first contests for the nomination are a mere four weeks away, what’s next for the Grand Old Party?

Early indications are that Newt Gingrich is in position to reap the greatest benefit from Cain dropping out of the race.

In May, the Gingrich campaign was left for dead by just about every political analyst, no matter what their party affiliation or ideology. Gingrich’s own staffers quit on him and left en masse, leaving little hope for the beleaguered campaign.

Now, Gingrich is the frontrunner in Iowa and has gained more than 20 points in New Hampshire – both key battlegrounds for winning the nomination.

Currently married to Callista Bisek, Gingrich has been married three times. His two previous marriages ended in divorce after he had affairs with younger women and when his wives were seriously ill.

Really, GOP? This is your new front-runner?

I get it, GOP voters. You hate Mitt Romney with a fierce, unwavering passion. He’s a flip-flopper. He’s a liberal (at least compared to the fascist tighty-righties that make up the rest of the GOP field).

Perhaps worst of all, Romney has a glaring lack of sexual misconduct scandals on his record.

We live in a world of reality TV and celebrity magazines, and we’re constantly in search of the next steamy scandal complete with all the lurid details to distract us from our boring, suburban lives.

But you can’t call yourself “the party of family values” when your preferred candidates who have records of sexual behavior on par with the cast of “Jersey Shore,” and I especially don’t want to hear about “the sanctity of marriage” from any of you, either.

Joe Vajgrt is a senior journalism major who is stepping down from his soap box. His column no longer appears on Mondays in the Collegian. Feedback can be sent to

 Posted by at 4:43 pm

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