The women of the Collegian are lonely and desperate, and hereâ€™s proof.
Erin Eastburn (Photo Editor):
My past relationships have not set my standards very high when it comes to lovers. I have a horrible habit of going for tall, burly men who like pot.
Surprisingly, these relationships have failed. As a last-semester senior, I have begun to ponder the importance of a lover, and if I would want to be in a relationship with a man who could actually live up to be â€œperfectâ€â€” if I could find one.
My perfect man is far more manly, mature and successful than any man I have ever met at CSU. If you are a man and want to protest this, I would love to meet you.
To me, my perfect man is Aidan from â€œSex in the Cityâ€ÂÂâ€” minus the fact he owns an ugly cabin in the country â€“â€“ I would prefer a house in the Hamptonâ€™s. He is tall, and Iâ€™m tall, so this is key to the success of the relationship. Short guys, donâ€™t hate me. Aidan owns his own successful furniture business. This means he is artistic, creative and makes money.
Iâ€™ve never been a woman to focus on a guyâ€™s job, but I like a man to be able to pay for dinner without me feeling guilty.
Lastly, he is kind, supportive and loving. I live a busy life, so my man needs to be strong enough (thank you Sheryl Crow) to handle my sh*t.
Honestly, I donâ€™t think I could ever find a man who wouldnâ€™t bug me in some way or another, but Aidan is pretty damn close. Since I am out of here in December and have internship offers in New York City, I can only hope that one day Iâ€™ll wonder into a SoHo furniture store and find my Aidan, but until then my current burly man who likes pot might have to do.
Colleen McSweeney (Editorial Editor):
You know, I really wish I had Erinâ€™s problem. Iâ€™d love to have dated â€œtall, burly men who like pot.â€ Why? Because thereâ€™s a good chance those men were straight.
At this point in my life, the â€œperfectâ€ man is anyone who actually likes women.
Allison Sylte (Content Managing Editor):
Word up, Colleen. Straight guys are always a plus, particularly since my most recent mouth-kissing partner rides the dude train. On top of that, I have additional criteria when assessing potential suitors. 1: Is he taller than me? and 2: Does he weigh more than me?
If I want to get really specific, my perfect man is a badass. He climbs mountains, he chops down trees, he has an even bigger flannel collection than I do and he listens to Celine Dion.
He also drives a Prius, but isnâ€™t a douchebag… try to find that. I dare you.
Courtney Riley (Entertainment Editor):
Erin, I just canâ€™t comprehend how you would choose Aidan from â€œSex and the Cityâ€ as your dream man. If weâ€™re speaking â€œSex and the Cityâ€ terms here, Mr. Big is clearly the correct choice.
Similar to Mr. Big, my dream man is successful, assertive and confident. He doesnâ€™t have his own shabby furniture business. Heâ€™s a handsome, well-dressed, clean-cut corporate executive on Wall Street.
And Colleen, you couldnâ€™t have spoken to my heart any more directly, girl. My ideal man shouldnâ€™t be gay, but he should look like he could be.
Rachel Childs (Web Content Editor):
Whatâ€™s up with the romance-novel fantasy men? Have you not noticed these guys have a hankering for doinâ€™ the desk tango with secretaries on the side?
I donâ€™t need the suits or the fancy dinners. He shouldnâ€™t be waiting to fire me because Iâ€™m not wearing Jimmy Choos. I donâ€™t even own a pair of heels.
If heâ€™s not making me laugh, heâ€™s not worth it. Give me a nerdy goofball like Seth Rogen. But make him look like Jake Gyllenhaal. Give him a guitar and slip a ring on my finger for sure.
Erin Udell (News Editor):
Let me preface my argument by saying that none of the aforementioned men actually exist.
Finding a sensitive, straight, well-dressed man is easier said than done, and with the exception of Eastburn, all of the ladies here at the Collegian are super weird, including myself.
The chance of us finding anyone relatively normal who would put up with our long hours, bitchy demeanor and haggard looks would be a feat in itself. You know what I want? I want a seven foot tall, manly, straight, mature gentleman who works on Wall Street, makes his own furniture, drives a Prius (not), dresses well and plays every instrument in the f***ing world.
Thatâ€™s what I want. I want it all.
Despite how it looks, the women of the Collegian donâ€™t need a man to complete them. However, interested gentleman suitors can reach them at firstname.lastname@example.org.