For some, homecoming is a joyous time filled with drunken debauchery and wholesome American pastimes like football and eating.
And thatâ€™s what it should be. That is, unless your parents find out that itâ€™s parents weekend. Then it becomes 48 hours of nagging and trying to keep your parents from your friends, of hearing â€œhow do you live like this?â€ when you show your parents your apartment and trying in vain to hide your liquor stash.
Itâ€™s stressful, but it can be salvaged. Here are some tips for what to do if your parents decide to grace you with a visit during this otherwise beautiful fall weekend.
Clean your living space
My apartment has gotten so messy that my roommate calls it the â€œBachelor Pad.â€ The only thing that will rescue it from being condemned will probably be some sort of chemical bath, and even then, thereâ€™s no way in hell weâ€™re getting our security deposit back.
While I think itâ€™s a perfectly adequate living space, my mother may disagree.
This is why, prior to parents weekend, my goal is to disinfect every surface in the house, vacuum and hide the empty liquor bottles that scatter the floor. Because the only thing worse than my mother seeing the way I live without her tutelage is hearing her obnoxiously ask, â€œhow do you live like this?â€
Make sure your parents only meet your wholesome friends
In college, you meet some totally awesome people. But while you think itâ€™s awesome that your friend canâ€™t go a sentence without swearing or using illicit substances, your parents will probably disagree.
Some of my friends actually want to meet my parents, but unfortunately, that will never happen. I want my parents to maintain a degree of respect for me, which will not happen if they meet many of my college friends, particularly my delinquent co-workers at the Collegian.
And given that I donâ€™t have any wholesome friends, this pretty much means that my parents will be meeting no one.
Hide your alcohol
Especially if you live in the dorms. Nuff said.
Have your study materials handy like you actually use them.
Itâ€™s true, a lot of us havenâ€™t opened up our textbooks since we bought them, but our parents donâ€™t need to know that. Keep your books out and leave them open, and make it clear that your time in college has been studious and has been spent enriching the quality of your mind.
And once your parents leave, put the books away, by all means. Studying isnâ€™t something we should trouble ourselves with.
*Hey, itâ€™s just one weekend with your parents. Be nice to them! *
As much as I complain, my parents are pretty darn awesome. Theyâ€™re helping me go to school, and theyâ€™re supportive of my decision to major in something as useless as journalism. As much as they (sometimes) bug me, I think I can handle spending one weekend with them. And if I can do it, the rest of you can tooâ€¦ trust me.
Because if your parents love you enough to show up for parents weekend, you might as well love them back and realize, â€œhey, itâ€™s pretty cool that my parents came all the way here to see me.â€ Itâ€™s definitely better than the alternative.
Just remember to hide your liquor.
Content Managing Editor Allison Sylte is a junior journalism major. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.