Aug 252011
Authors: kevin jensen

Our political system has been slowly slipping into a state of bickering, revealing the ineptness of our politicians’ ability to govern decently in the current political system.  At the root of the problem, I believe, is the tyranny of the two party “binopoly” that has had a stranglehold on our government for decades.

Unfortunately, the means for political change are within grasp of the American people, if only we weren’t so apathetic and unable to rally enough support to change anything that the average citizen feels completely helpless in our political system — a sad reality for a supposed representative democracy.

College kids, as well, are usually woefully uninformed.  So I have designed a way to communicate to their common line of thinking, hoping to bring more citizens into the salvation of being a little more politically informed.

Suppose the goal of a country is to have a good government, and the goal of the average college kid is to get drunk.  The problem is that our country’s only beverage choice on its way to inebriation (its ultimate goal) is either Coke (the red state, established conservatives) or Pepsi (the younger, blue state, a supposedly fresher alternative to Coke).

While Pepsi always claims to be newer and more progressive, I’ve found that Pepsi is hardly any different from Coke, and neither political product brings us any nearer to a comfortable BAC.
You see, what we really need is an old fashioned Kentucky man, such as Jack Daniels, or maybe a man with military experience- such as Admiral Nelson.  Somebody that has a little alcohol content and who is more than the sweet, bubbly, facade of political parties we have been forced to choke down for so long.

In the last presidential election, many Americans were enthralled with the new Pepsi product put on the shelf, the “Obama,” whose catchy slogan caused many to gulp down this newest trend, soon becoming heavy headed with the experience.  Was this finally the man we needed to solve our country’s sobriety?

While there definitely was something different about President Obama, what little proof he had was thoroughly diluted by the politics of his party, leaving us with nothing but a highly publicized wine cooler, which we swallowed a bit too quickly. Our innocence was shaken, leaving us alone with our high school prom dress on the floor.

Unfortunately, we have become so entrenched in party politics it is virtually impossible for a candidate to attain the position of president without the stamp of approval of one political party or the other.  So while we are seemingly helpless to find a cup full of anything not sponsored by one of the two mega-monoliths of our political culture, we should be taking steps to ensure that the power of both parties are severely limited, which can only be done by limiting the power of government itself.

Our country has guzzled gallons of soda, switching between Pepsi and Coke, depending upon the ads each competitor has produced.  But the effect of all of the high fructose corn syrup has made our government hopelessly obese, bloated, and lethargic.  

Our system isn’t even willing to get off of the couch to try to fix our crumbling economy or outrageous national debt. Instead, we spend all our time bickering about wedge issues, drawing so many lines in the sand that, when the lines come together, spells impending doom for this “Great Experiment.”

This election cycle, don’t get caught being spoon fed the same tired product. Refuse to choke down the political maneuvering that brings no benefit to our country, because now is not a time for politics as usual — we have come to the point where we must act fast before we are left in sullen sobriety forever.

Who knows?  Maybe this election will produce a candidate with some actual substance. I’m not asking for much — 40 proof or so will do —  but more and more we’re realizing that at least a shot or two of courage is needed to tackle America’s issues.

Maybe there is some hope that a tonic is produced that has enough proof to survive the dilution of our political system, but while this two- party system survives, we must be subjugated to a candidate whom is watered down by one of the two “binopoly” partners: either Pepsi or Coke.
Let’s just hope there’s enough kick left in it to still wet our whistles.

_Kevin Jensen is a junior English major. Letters and feedback can be sent to _

 Posted by at 4:23 pm

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