May 082011
Authors: Ryan Gibbons and Glen Pfeiffer

1. Taking fun finals are totally worth it. We’ve done it multiple times. (This is where you take a final for a class you aren’t in). Just don’t get caught; they threaten you with “academic dishonesty.”

2. HvZ is only fun the first time.

3. For years, we’ve parked in the 30-minute zone west of the Military Science Building on Tuesday and Thursday mornings for hours without getting ticketed.

4. When you’re old enough to have the pleasure of waiting in line at the Ramskeller –– don’t. We’ve discovered that if you simply grab one of the always-vacant seats at the bar you’ll be tended to almost immediately: it beats the sometimes long lines on Wheat Wednesday.

5. Know your sports teams. We’re not the most athletic duo, but ask us if the Nuggets scored more the 110 points during last night’s game or if the Rockies scored more than 7, and we’ll know. The already cheaper-than-dirt Taco Bell just so happens to do 50 cent tacos the day after, making your college lifestyle just that much easier to maintain.

6. Your department doesn’t have free printing? That’s OK. Lots of them do. The lab doors aren’t locked. Learn the academic geography of campus and meet interesting people in your foreign travels!

7. At Panda Express, you can skip the main line by ordering (anything) from the sushi line.

8. Depending on where your classes are, free parking on Remington is cheaper AND closer than buying a lame Z pass.

9. Sleep on campus. You can’t be expected to party hardy and get a full nights sleep, so catch up between classes. Best places: third floor at the library and the fireside lounge in the Honors Building at the Academic Village. Sure, the latter is a little far, but nothing beats a good bench and a warm fire. (RIP Natural Resources’ leather couches).

10. Know where the dollar-beer specials are. Thursday at Road 34, CB & Potts on Monday; Wednesday at Mo Jeaux’s.

11. Get an on-campus job. Work-Study chumps like us get paid an obscene rate to fly desks on campus … and to top it off, there’s no commute.

12. Seriously … when you say that you hate technology and it’s out to get you, we have two words for you: Operator error. Final fun fact: There are only two industries that call their consumers ‘users’…

Columnists Ryan Gibbons and Glen Pfeiffer want to thank all their readers … hopefully it’s been as fun for you as it has been for us. Any comments and questions you send to as of now won’t be heeded … we’ll be gone!

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