Letâ€™s face it: Being in agriculture is hard. You have long days, you get dirty and you donâ€™t get a steady paycheck. Thatâ€™s why Iâ€™ve decided to give up my agricultural lifestyle, move to Boulder and become a hippie. I realize I will be a very stereotypical hippie,
but thatâ€™s kind of the point.
Life is going to be so much easier. Instead of getting up at 6 a.m. to check and feed my animals, I can sleep in and not get up until noon or later. At that time I can choose whether or not to take a shower, because I wonâ€™t actually have anything to get done, except hope for world peace.
Instead of pulling on my Cruel Girl jeans and a button up shirt, Iâ€™m going to grab those bell-bottom pants and a brightly colored shirt. Instead of throwing on my cowboy boots, Iâ€™ll grab a pair of flip-flops, or maybe just go barefoot. I am going to miss my sparkly belts though. I guess Iâ€™ll just have to rock the peace sign necklaces instead.
Iâ€™m also going to dread out my hair, although that may be challenging. Iâ€™m pretty sure if I do the whole donâ€™t shower thing it will get there eventually. I guess Iâ€™ll have to trade in my Stetson for a good olâ€™ headband as well.
When I do finally make it out of the house, the first thing Iâ€™ll do is trade in my current vehicle for a Volkswagen van and immediately decorate it in as many random colors as I can find. In fact, I think Iâ€™ll retrofit the inside to be a small house, so I can travel around whenever I feel like it.
If I canâ€™t find a van, Iâ€™ll resort to hitchhiking. Thereâ€™s nothing that says hippy like a good thumb stuck out. I guess Iâ€™ll have to keep my fingers crossed that a creeper doesnâ€™t pick me up, since I can no longer carry a gun. Stranger danger alert!
Instead of staying clean, Iâ€™ll get into happy drugs and embrace my inner rockstar. Thatâ€™s the cool thing to do, right? Last I checked weed was in (but Iâ€™ll be using it for medical purposes of course). On second thought, Iâ€™m not sure I want to contaminate my body that way.
In terms of music, Iâ€™ll definitely have to throw out all my country CDs and get my Bob Dylan on. No more swing dancing for me (sorry guys). Itâ€™s too bad Woodstock isnâ€™t still around; I feel like that could have been fun.
One good thing about this change is I can still hate the government. Now I can protest peacefully though. I get to do a sit-in! That will be a new experience. I just hope the bus stops when it sees me in the middle of the road. If it doesnâ€™t Iâ€™ll get to be a pancake hippie.
I will have to switch my political party though, so that will be tough. On the bright side, I will advocate for the rich to give their money to me because we should all be equal in terms of our income. If Iâ€™m lucky Iâ€™ll get on welfare and Iâ€™ll teach my children that itâ€™s easier to live off welfare than ever trying to get a job.
I am worried that my family and community will disown me after this change, but I wonâ€™t care. Free love baby, no war. Letâ€™s get our peace on!
Robyn Scherer quickly realized she failed as a hippy, and must resort back to raising goats and hogs because she missed her sparkly belts and swing dancing too much. Letters and feedback can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org.