Nov 092010
 
Authors: Johnny Hart

About face, young Rammies. All ears everyone. Eyes to the front of the room.

This week I wanted to write a column near and dear to my own heart. And to stick to my theme, I’ll probably have to bend over backwards. So is the life.

I’m determined, so by the same token you’ll have to hunker down and dig in people.

“Come again?” you say. Calling me crazy as a fox?

Let me cut to the quick.

This week’s column may have you saying, “That’s so cliché.” It’s supposed to.

Instead of giving you the same old song and dance, I’ve decided to try to piss off every composition, reporting or speech teacher I’ve ever had.

Avoid clichés, they profess. Well, I think avoiding clichés is sometimes, for a lack of a better word, cliché. So this week, I’m not.

And if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. You bought the ticket. Take the ride.

By the way, no nodding off while I’m on my soap box. I’m pretty full of myself.

1. Unanswered questions

All questions are unanswered, otherwise they’d be answers.

Seriously, tell me what question isn’t unanswered? I’ll give you a free hug. I know it’s not much, but my life is the broke journalist cliché.

However, if you should flip the phrase around it can make sense: unquestioned answers.

2. It ain’t over ‘till it’s over

Dur. Twice.

This cliché falls in a similar category as the one above, sort of. Basically “It ain’t over ‘till it’s over” gives hope to someone behind or down.

But really it doesn’t really qualify when it is actually over.

I like to go around saying, “It hasn’t begun until it begins” and “I’m not finished eating until everything has been chewed and swallowed.”

Not really.

3. Not the brightest Crayon in the box

This phrase is a clever play on the word “bright” and its connotation with being smart. But like other clichés in the same vein –– “sharpest pencil in the box” –– the metaphor falls short.

First off, who wouldn’t like to use the sharpest Crayon? It’s the most underutilized and highest performing.

And have you ever tried to use a bright Crayon on white paper? It’s not possible. Just try coloring with “Laser Lemon” or “Electric Lime” or “Dandelion.”

4. Rome wasn’t built in a day

… Nothing was built in a day. Seriously.

Unless you’re thinking of Lego cities. Then you’re really a huge nerd.

It’s funny to think of people contemplating, “You think Rome was built in a day?” “No way! Too labor intensive. Maybe like over a long weekend.”

Really? I mean, even the world took six days. Or so they say …

5. Crying over spilt milk

How much does milk cost? I don’t have time to grocery shop. I just eat fast food.

According to the Denver Post, consumers in 2009 paid about $1.50 per gallon, “about the same as they paid in the 1970s.”

Break that down and you get about a dime a cup.

Here’s 25 cents. Go call someone who cares about your stupid spilt milk.

Love,

Multimedia Editor Johnny Hart is a washed-up walking cliché. Send him praises and nice things at verve@collegian.com.

 Posted by at 3:15 pm

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