About face, young Rammies. All ears everyone. Eyes to the front of the room.
This week I wanted to write a column near and dear to my own heart. And to stick to my theme, Iâ€™ll probably have to bend over backwards. So is the life.
Iâ€™m determined, so by the same token youâ€™ll have to hunker down and dig in people.
â€œCome again?â€ you say. Calling me crazy as a fox?
Let me cut to the quick.
This weekâ€™s column may have you saying, â€œThatâ€™s so clichÃ©.â€ Itâ€™s supposed to.
Instead of giving you the same old song and dance, Iâ€™ve decided to try to piss off every composition, reporting or speech teacher Iâ€™ve ever had.
Avoid clichÃ©s, they profess. Well, I think avoiding clichÃ©s is sometimes, for a lack of a better word, clichÃ©. So this week, Iâ€™m not.
And if you donâ€™t have anything nice to say, donâ€™t say anything at all. You bought the ticket. Take the ride.
By the way, no nodding off while Iâ€™m on my soap box. Iâ€™m pretty full of myself.
1. Unanswered questions
All questions are unanswered, otherwise theyâ€™d be answers.
Seriously, tell me what question isnâ€™t unanswered? Iâ€™ll give you a free hug. I know itâ€™s not much, but my life is the broke journalist clichÃ©.
However, if you should flip the phrase around it can make sense: unquestioned answers.
2. It ainâ€™t over â€˜till itâ€™s over
This clichÃ© falls in a similar category as the one above, sort of. Basically â€œIt ainâ€™t over â€˜till itâ€™s overâ€ gives hope to someone behind or down.
But really it doesnâ€™t really qualify when it is actually over.
I like to go around saying, â€œIt hasnâ€™t begun until it beginsâ€ and â€œIâ€™m not finished eating until everything has been chewed and swallowed.â€
3. Not the brightest Crayon in the box
This phrase is a clever play on the word â€œbrightâ€ and its connotation with being smart. But like other clichÃ©s in the same vein â€“â€“ â€œsharpest pencil in the boxâ€ â€“â€“ the metaphor falls short.
First off, who wouldnâ€™t like to use the sharpest Crayon? Itâ€™s the most underutilized and highest performing.
And have you ever tried to use a bright Crayon on white paper? Itâ€™s not possible. Just try coloring with â€œLaser Lemonâ€ or â€œElectric Limeâ€ or â€œDandelion.â€
4. Rome wasnâ€™t built in a day
â€¦ Nothing was built in a day. Seriously.
Unless youâ€™re thinking of Lego cities. Then youâ€™re really a huge nerd.
Itâ€™s funny to think of people contemplating, â€œYou think Rome was built in a day?â€ â€œNo way! Too labor intensive. Maybe like over a long weekend.â€
Really? I mean, even the world took six days. Or so they say â€¦
5. Crying over spilt milk
How much does milk cost? I donâ€™t have time to grocery shop. I just eat fast food.
According to the Denver Post, consumers in 2009 paid about $1.50 per gallon, â€œabout the same as they paid in the 1970s.â€
Break that down and you get about a dime a cup.
Hereâ€™s 25 cents. Go call someone who cares about your stupid spilt milk.
Multimedia Editor Johnny Hart is a washed-up walking clichÃ©. Send him praises and nice things at firstname.lastname@example.org.