By Anna Baldwin
We need to talk.
These are the four dreaded words in relationships.
Itâ€™s never, â€œWe need to talk â€¦ about what Iâ€™m making for dinner,â€ or, â€œWe need to talk â€¦ about your awesome new car.â€ No, no; itâ€™s always, â€œWe need to talk â€¦ about how Iâ€™m about to rip your heart from your chest, put it in a blender and watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion.â€
Breaking up with someone is hard to do. The truth is, unless youâ€™re Rachel and Ross, permanent breakups are an unavoidable part of life.
Fortunately, you can make breakups less painful for both parties involved by going about it with style and sensibility. Style points are always good.
Iâ€™d say the most important rule for breaking up with someone is to pick an appropriate place. The less public, the better. Thereâ€™s no need to make a person feel more vulnerable than necessary as heâ€™s already feeling bad as his worst qualities are spoken aloud.
But donâ€™t do it in an overly remote place either, in case your ex gets violent. Thereâ€™s not going to be anyone around to call 911 if you break it to him in his basement or car.
Also, do it at the right time. Birthdays, major holidays, anniversaries and even small dates to remember like Talk Like A Pirate Day or the day his dog died, should all be off limits. Do you really want your ex to remember your insensitivity every time that day comes around?
Another thing is: Do it in person. This might seem obvious, but itâ€™s also the most difficult to do. Over the phone is not right. Via text message is unacceptable.
To go along with this: Never just avoid or ignore someone until they get the picture in order to break up with him. Iâ€™ll admit that Iâ€™ve done this before. Oops. And itâ€™s been done to me. Not cool.
Be honest and sensitive. Ask yourself why you are breaking up with him and be able to list at least two specific reasons. He should be given the courtesy of knowing these rationales and the truth will be appreciated. Unless of course, the truth is that youâ€™re bored with the relationship.
But hey, lying about this is never an option. In order for a relationship to be truly over and without violence, then all truthful feelings should be let known. It will also make it so he does not have unanswered questions as you walk away for the last time.
Also, being straightforward and truthful will avoid another month of â€œtrying to make it work.â€ This never works.
Good luck with your breakup!
By Eugene Daniels
Like Iâ€™ve said before, for most of us, relationships usually come to an end. For those of you who are so in love and are so happy and all that, you can stop reading because this column isnâ€™t for you. Sorry.
Now for those of you who are in a relationship that is on its way down faster than Lindsay Lohanâ€™s career, Iâ€™m here to help.
For those who are married, itâ€™s easy to decide when itâ€™s time to throw in the towel. When you wake up in the morning, look to your husband or wife and the first thing that comes to mind is â€œDamn! You again?â€ then it may be time to sign those â€œdâ€ papers.
But most of us college students arenâ€™t married (thank Baby Jesus, and big Jesus too,actually). For this reason, knowing when to end a relationship â€“â€“ thatâ€™s not a marriageâ€“â€“ can be more complicated than you may think.
One of the â€œwhensâ€ is the simplest one. When you and your significant other are arguing so much that people call the cops to shut you up, itâ€™s time to move on. Everyone argues itâ€™s a healthy form of human expression. But no one wants to hear that crap all night long.
When you are avoiding your significant other like the Greenpeace people that plague our Plaza, itâ€™s time to move on. If you canâ€™t stand seeing that person anymore, the relationship isnâ€™t going anywhere, except to that one place that relationships go to when they are over. (Where is that place? I donâ€™t know. What do I look like? How about this â€“â€“ you find it and let me know. Donâ€™t worry Iâ€™ll wait.)
Ooh okay, back to the column. Also, I feel like you can see issues at the beginning of relationships that will eventually lead to its demise. If you see these red flags, get the hell out before it explodes like we all hope the â€œJersey Shoreâ€ kidsâ€™ careers do.
Now Iâ€™m sure that everyone has been broken up with or broke up with someone in different types of ways. But there is an art to breaking up.
Donâ€™t have someone hanging on when youâ€™re planning to break up with them. Just man (or woman) up and do it. Like Nike. Donâ€™t waste anyoneâ€™s time, yours or theirs â€“â€“Â by letting something think everything is fine.
Iâ€™ve done that before and the damage it did to me and the young ladyâ€™s relationship was much worse than if I had just broke up with her like an adult. It wasnâ€™t fair to her for me to ignore her phone calls and Facebook messages and text messages trying to muster up the courage to break up with her.
And ladies and gentlemen, if you can help it, break up with the person in person. If he or she lives in another state, a phone call or a Skype thing should be the only alternatives. No Facebook messages, no text messages and no e-mails. None of those ways are okay. They suck, and if you use them, it makes you suck.
Anna Baldwin is a senior journalism major, and Eugene Daniels is a senior journalism major. â€˜Venus vs. Marsâ€™ appears Tuesdays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org.