Oct 262010
 
Authors: Johnny Hart

Zombies are taking over Fort Collins. They were in Old Town last weekend, all drunk and stumbly.

They’re on campus this week. Thankfully someone armed the humans with Nerf guns.

Heck, they’re taking over the world. Robots too, but that’s a column for another day.

Ohh … it’s Halloween this weekend. Sarcastically slaps head.

Sorry to be a bummer. I just feel we’ve all outgrown the fun aspects of the holiday, like eating too
much candy, visiting haunted houses and egging annoying neighbors.

Now it’s just an excuse to get drunk and dress … promiscuously. Why need to make an excuse?

So by catching up on some movies, maybe this year you relearn the true meaning of Halloween:
getting the poop scared out of you.

Oh, and horror flicks are a great excuse to get women to hold your hand. You’re welcome engineers.

1. The ‘Saw’ series
Basically, the only film worth really watching in the “Saw” series is the first one. It has a plot and unique twists.

But by god, the other’s are pretty darn funny. And the latest one is in 3D. How can you pass that up?

Nothing really beats a bunch of degenerates being ripped, literally, to pieces. Is that too morbid?

2. The ‘Evil Dead’
You know that older gentleman who helps Michael Westin on “Burn Notice?” Yeah, his name is Bruce, and he’s awesome. If you get that joke, you’re awesome too.

Bruce Campbell, who stars in the trilogy, reeks of machismo and badassedness. And the movies: the greatest B movies ever to run on the silver screen.

“Evil Dead” paved the way for M. Night Shyamalan and Wes Craven to make millions on cheesy thrillers long before “The Sixth Sense” and “Scream.”

3. The ‘Alien’ series
A while ago, I wrote a column about the greatest sequels and got a lot of flack for not putting “Aliens” on that list.

The true, honest reason why I didn’t? I’ve never seen any of the “Alien” movies. So why put it on this list? A good journalist always relies on good research. And the research tells me I should watch
“Aliens” and slapped me in the back of the head.

Who would have thunk it that a movie directed by James Cameron and starring Sigourney Weaver would be a hit?

Wait …

4. ‘Friday the 13th’ series
Again, really only the first “Friday” movie is any good. And no, not the one with Ice Cube and Chris
Tucker. Everything they touch turns to gold.

But “Friday the 13th” really set the bar for good slasher flicks. And Jason seems to be the original slash-master.

Plus, Jason did for hockey masks what Howard Dean did for a good “Byah!”

5. George A. Romero’s ‘Dead’ series
Zombies are everywhere. And they’re watching you.

No but seriously, you can’t have a good horror movie countdown without the undead.

In Romero’s installment “Land of the Dead,” he gives the zombies guns. Guns! How can you kill something that is undead, for one, but also has guns?

Love,

Multimedia Editor Johnny Hart is secretly, and now very publically, afraid of the dark. Support and birthday wishes for Editor in Chief Madeline Novey can be sent to verve@collegian.com.

 Posted by at 2:38 pm

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