Oct 182010
 
Authors: Anna Baldwin and Eugene Daniels

Should you give your ex another chance?

By Anna Baldwin

Depends on the reason that a particular couple breaks up. It all depends on circumstances and timing. But …

If you ever find yourself describing your ex as “psycho,” “crazy” or “homicidal” then you should probably not get back with that person for your own sake. Especially homicidal, for obvious reasons.

And if cheating was involved … If there was cheating, then you definitely shouldn’t get back together with that person. That’s the No. 1 reason for me, and I think that it should be for everyone. Why be with someone if they can’t even respect you? And cheating on you, violating your trust in that big of way, is the biggest offense.

Sure, they were drunk, sure, they missed you and it’s human nature to make mistakes, but they should have not put themselves in a situation where they could have cheated on you to begin with.

OK, enough ranting.

One individual female that I talked to about this topic laid it out for me pretty well. When I asked her the initial question, her answer was “F*** no!” And she had good reasons to back this up.

First, she said that getting back with an ex can become a vicious cycle.

This is a waste of everyone’s time, including the mystery person that you could have potentially met and started a meaningful relationship with. But this was not possible because you were wasting time while, probably fighting with your old flame, during a relationship that was going to work this time.

I guess we’ll never know how a dedicated love with the hottie with shaggy hair and smooth skills that you met at the coffee shop would have gone. Too bad.

Also, the female whom I talked to also mentioned that getting back with an ex is never good because there was always that reason that it didn’t work out in the first place. Remember these reasons?

They could have been small or something that would have drastically altered your future, but they all matter. Exactly. So why get back with them? No, he did not change for the better.

Another thing she mentioned was how it’s so easy to get back with an ex because when you’re not with them, you find yourself constantly thinking about them. And these thoughts are usually focused on the good things, not the bad. Cue that vicious cycle. You got to focus and not let yourself do that.

You know that when you do get back with an ex that you’re always asking yourself, “What am I doing?” Think back, and see yourself doing this. Because it has happened.

So quit lying to yourself, and avoid this self-doubt in the first place by realizing that getting back with an ex is just a bad idea.

Don’t be afraid to move in

By Eugene Daniels

Let’s face it. Most relationships we’ll have will end. That’s the bottom line. It’s a sad line but that’s why they call it the bottom right?

Now that I have ruined your ideal view of the relationship you are in, I’ll get to the actual topic of today’s column.

After that relationship inevitably comes to an end, what happens next? Well a lot of us, Anna and I included, end up right where we started –– in that same damn relationship.

That’s right, and you know you do it too. We break up with someone, talk about how much we can’t stand them and hope we never see them again. We erase their number and maybe delete them off of Facebook. (Deleting people off of Facebook shows you mean business.)

Why do we do this? No one knows. Maybe we just like to go back to what we know; it’s comfortable. Or maybe we’re just too lazy to go and find someone else.

Either way, is it a smart thing to do?

This, like many things in life, is complicated. But one thing to always keep in mind is there was a reason that the two of you broke up or got divorced.

Both times that I’ve gone back to exes, we have broken up again. One of the girls and I aren’t even on speaking terms after the second break up. So clearly, this didn’t work.

And the more people I ask about whether it has worked, the more I come to the conclusion that it just doesn’t.

The word end means just that; something is over. It doesn’t mean pause, it doesn’t mean put down to pick up later. It means over. And that should go with relationships, when it ends, move on.

And that gives people something to think about when breaking up. Is this worth breaking up over? Because it’s possible that this may be it, you may never see them again. Because if you guys are breaking up over something stupid, then that means you may be acting extremely dumb.

A lot of the time, we hate to say goodbye to something that worked so we go back to it. But I think people forget, that it’s okay for something to be over. Relationships are allowed to end and people are allowed to move on.

That is OK. So the next time you break up, take that relationship and toss it in the trashcan (or the recycle bin for you hippies), and move on to the next one.

There is probably something bigger and better waiting and you can’t get to them if you’re going back to the ex.

Don’t be scared to get into a new relationship because living in fear doesn’t serve anybody.

Anna Baldwin is a senior journalism major, and Eugene Daniels is a junior journalism major. “Mars vs. Venus” appears Tuesdays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be sent to letters@collegian.com.

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