Sep 272010
 
Authors: Anna Baldwin and Eugene Daniels

By Anna Baldwin

Like all things involving relationships, a specific answer depends on the circumstances surrounding an issue. This is true for the amount of time that should pass between the end of one relationship and the beginning of another.

Let’s look at some specific case studies and thoroughly examine each situation to eventually come to a test-proven conclusion. And then you can apply each conclusion to your own life and never again have questions about the time between relationships.

Case number 1: Pete and Jill met at a bar. There was an instant connection, or maybe that was just the alcohol coursing through their veins. Regardless, they exchanged numbers and planned to drink together again at a later date.

The first date went splendidly, and for a few weeks they continued to consume Amaretto sours together and act like a couple. Then Pete decided that he wanted to move in a different direction, and Jill didn’t have especially strong feelings about the matter anyhow.

Conclusion: the time after this “relationship” and before another attachment should not be pegged as a specific amount. Anything from one day to a few hours is fine in this situation because there was never any real emotions or feelings involved. Feel free to mingle.

Case number 2: Jack and Sara were fresh out of high school and at the beginning of the best four years of their lives. They met in psychology class on the first day of classes their freshman year.

The couple was inseparable for weeks, and anyone who saw them would describe them as cute. After about 9 months, the connection fizzled out.

Conclusion: This is a toughie. Since it was the first love for both, rebound relationships are quite possible. The instant gratification of a rebound would be tantalizing, as the feeling of a knife right through the heart is unbearable.

Rebounds aside, I’d say proceed with caution and don’t go looking for anything.

Case number 3: Will and Fi met through mutual friends during their first two years of college. They had many things in common. The two started hanging out in groups before it progressed into one-on-one time.

They became official, and it was the first time each of them felt right in a relationship. The couple bought a dog together and talked about the future. Their time together lasted almost four years, but eventually life got in the way and they parted.

Conclusion: The more time before another relationship, the better. Many months or even a year is not too long. There was devoted commitment and intimacy involved, and it was a balanced relationship based on good things.

If only it were this easy. The fact is, too many variants exist with each individual relationship. The level of attachment (or obsession) in each situation is hard to give a direct answer. The best answer? No time is too long. Take all the time you need and then just a little bit more too.

To be safe, you know what is best for yourself. If you think you’re not ready, or if you know you’ll still call or drunk text your ex, then you are not ready for another relationship.

By Eugene Daniels

Time. One of the most talked about subjects in the world. “What time does the game start?” “Is it time to go to Octane?” “What time will the keg be here?”

And one of the biggest questions is always: What is the correct amount of time needed to move from relationship to relationship? Now while it would be really easy for me to lie and give you guys a guesstimate, we talked about how much I hate lying last week, so that won’t be happening.

There are a couple of different things that can affect this answer. Was cheating involved? Who dumped whom? But the most important one is: Are you ready?

If you and your significant other end the relationship and you feel like you are ready to move on, you can do it as soon as the plug is pulled on the relationship. But the tricky part is that you have to be honest with yourself, which can sometimes be hard.

Can you look yourself in the mirror and say: “That relationship was fun but now I am ready to go on to the next one right now.” And honestly, the answer is going to usually be no.

If the relationship was more than just a “friends with benefits” type of relationship, you both were invested and there was actual love between the two of you, it will take a certain amount of time to get over that other person, even if there was cheating involved.

Now guys, we are more than likely to have the attitude of “on to the next one” after a break-up because we are usually less emotional about those types of things. But you want to make sure that when moving on there will be no feelings for the ex. This is where a lot of us men get into trouble.

Going back between the ex and a new person will only be a waste of everybody’s damn time and usually someone gets hurt in the process. But if you don’t have a heart and don’t give a crap about anyone else’s feelings, then I guess you won’t care anyway. (That goes for you ladies, too. You can be just as ruthless as us, and you know it.)

But this is something I have a hard time understanding: What the hell is so wrong with being single for a little while. Why do you absolutely have to be in a relationship as soon as the other one is over?

Take some time to work on you. Everyone moves from relationship to relationship and wonders why they don’t work out. It’s because you don’t know who you are. And unless you know who you are, you cannot share that with anyone else, especially those you are in a relationship with.

So if you are someone who is always breaking up and in another relationship 10 minutes later, maybe you should take a break and date yourself for a while (whatever that entails for you). Work on you because that’s what the time between relationships should be used for.

Get to know your star player so he or she can have a better game next time.

Anna Baldwin is a senior journalism major, and Eugene Daniels is a junior journalism major. “Mars vs. Venus” appears Tuesdays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be sent to letters@collegian.com.

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