Aug 122010
Authors: Johnny Hart

Hello freshmen. You are all so darn cute and cuddly.

I just wanna come up to all you new Ramblings and give you a big hug.

Oh, I’m sorry. You don’t know me, yet. You will. I’m kind of a big deal.

My name is Johnny. I’m a Capricorn, I enjoy long walks on the beaches of Horsetooth Reservoir and I donate my spare time to charity.

OK, so I don’t really like walking. And I guess I only donate plasma because I’m broke and clothing during the Undie Run … but that’s a different story.

But it is imperative that you read this column—and all others, for that matter—because I’ve been charged with the task of giving you advice.

I don’t know why, but they think I have a lot to bestow upon you young adults. Personally, I think they’re wrong. I’ll probably just end up corrupting you all, but whatevs.

So this is how it works: I give you my top five selections ­­–– this week being advice for you incoming freshmen –– and you take such information and use it to build yourself into a much more fruitful and successful human being than I.
Easy ‘nuff? Good.

Pencils down and eyes to the front. Your full attention is required for this course.

1. Find freebies
Being in college means people want your attention. You are the key demographic.

You’ve got clubs, companies, marketing firms and a bunch of other groups looking for you to buy their stuff. Heck, even I’m pandering to you with my charm and wit so you’ll read our paper.

But what’s the best way to get you consumers interested in products? Free giveaways.

CSU gives you all free T-shirts, restaurants give away free sodas, etc.

I’m just saying load up because there’s a lot of good crap out there.
2. Lock your door*

Do you hear that awkward silence across your dorm room? Yeah, that’s your roommate. Don’t worry, it’ll get better. Or a lot worse, but hopefully better.

You’ll get to know him or her a lot more than you ever wanted to. Especially with all those raging teenage hormones you youngsters have.

But you need to have a door-locking system, not just for safety and security, but for the hanky-panky.

Some roommates use the sock on the door. Others, the rubber band or whiteboard. But definitely use the extra safety lock.

You can’t erase the image of walking in on your roommie doin’ the horizontal mambo with the hottie from down the hall. Trust me.

3. Get involved

I understand that this sounds like a public service announcement, but it’s true.

On campus there more than 350 student clubs, not to mention all the other stuff CSU offers.

There’s a free gym, you have free student tickets to a variety of varsity sporting events and there’s a variety of other fun events on campus.

Or you could be super cool and join Student Media. We’ve got TV, radio, a magazine and a newspaper. You could even meet me.

And yeah, I’m that cool.

*4. Be a little stupid and
reckless … just a little*

Remember, you’re still kids. You have a full four years, or more if you’re like me, to learn how to grow up.

So have fun. Meet the people around you and go do something fun. Maybe get into some trouble, but not too much.

It’s pretty unrealistic to assume you all won’t drink at some point. In a perfect world, none of you would.

But if you do, do so with class and responsibility. Nothing is worse than being that stumbling, mumbling drunk who everyone makes fun of when they get back home.

Or than idiot that pees in the hall.

Have some Ram pride. Don’t be dumb.

5. Take it all in

By your senior year, you’ll be in my position –– looking back at how fast my years here went by.

As a freshman, you’ve got it made. People cook and clean for you. You don’t have to worry about electric bills and paying rent … sort of. You can focus on being active and learning.

But you can truly get caught up in all the fun you freshmen will have in college. And there will be a lot of it.
So remember to take it all in. Stop and recognize that these moments will be some of the best of your life.
If you fly by too fast, you’ll miss it.

Managing Editor Johnny Hart misses dorm food. You can sent guest passes to

 Posted by at 12:56 pm

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.