I love hotdogs. If youâ€™d had read my column on Super Bowl foods youâ€™d know this right now.
Itâ€™s pretty unnatural, actually. Not like Kobayashi or Joey Chestnut unnatural, but it has been said that Iâ€™ve eaten a whole pack before.
They are just so good.
And nothingâ€™s better than a beer, a dog and a packed ballpark on the Fourth. Itâ€™s as â€˜Merican as apple pie and terrible Toby Keith music.
Anyway. So that tangent leads me to this: I wanna try out a new Top 5 style this week, in the form of something Iâ€™ve actually done recently. Something thatâ€™s not arbitrary, like partying and drinking, that Iâ€™ve scribbled quickly before deadline.
Iâ€™m gunna describe my outing to the Rockies game this weekend and the Top 5 annoying things that ensued during so. The scribbling still happened.
Not to dog the Rox though. Theyâ€™re my boys. The organization is top-notch. The game was really fun.
But sometimes there are just some things, some people, that piss you off in the heat of the moment.
Well, youâ€™ll read.
1. Overly drunk fans
Drunken fans can be quite amusing. They fumble and stumble and yell slurred insults when thereâ€™s no one on the field.
And who can say they havenâ€™t been in a drunken mess? Except for people who donâ€™t drink, of course, but for the people who do, you can imagine.
But when it comes to the point that some 60-year-old woman is nearly falling on the field, dressed in only a sports bra, it may be time to grab some coffee.
Her husband thought it was funny, at least.
2. Drizzling rain
OK, Mother Nature, if youâ€™re going to rain, do it right. None of this light mist shenanigans.
For the first few innings, the clouds opened up just enough to get everyone wet, but not enough to drive fans under cover.
Slowly getting drenched is just not cool. And it ruins your beer.
3. Road fans
I laud anyone who has the cajones to step foot in a rival stadium, much like many San Francisco Giants fans did last weekend.
And weâ€™re cool, as long as you stay out of sight and out of mind. Even the occasional cheer for the wrong guy â€“â€“ anyone not on my teamÂ â€“â€“ Iâ€™ll let it pass.
But beware. If you start to gloat, I swear Iâ€™ll punch you right in the kisser. Try me.
4. Fireworks in the eye
So Saturdayâ€™s game happened to be one of the firework variety, with it being â€˜Mericaâ€™s birthday and all.
And the Rox put on a fantastic show. Lots of booms and cracks and ooohs and aaahs.
One problem: When itâ€™s windy back your way, firework particles fall on you. And when youâ€™re looking to the sky for PRETTY LIGHTS â€¦ such particles hit you in the eye.
5. Gridlock traffic
When you head to a sporting event, especially in a major city like Denver, youâ€™re gunna run into some traffic.
Maybe not so much here, but hey.
But when you donâ€™t move for, say, an hour or two, it gets a little bid ridiculous. Stumbling drunks were passing at a faster rate of speed.
Pedicabs were whooshing around LoDo, dodging in and out of cars.
Maneuvers like they makes one want to clip one of those daredevils but oneâ€™s bumper, just enough to give them a little jolt. Nothing bad, just want to show them whoâ€™s boss on the roads.
Managing Editor Johnny Hart doesnâ€™t really know when his next column will come. Guess you all will just have to check in every week. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.