Holy crap it feels good to be back. Did you miss me? You did, huh.
No? Well, I missed you. And yeah, it would be nice to hear you say you love me sometimes.
Oh relax, just messing around. All this time off from writing has gone to my head.
Speaking of time off, many of you are stuck on campus this lovely summer for one reason or another. Maybe for school, maybe because you canâ€™t afford to go anyplace, whatever.
However, Fort Collins has a lot of great things to offer from May to August â€“â€“ the Taste of Fort Collins, City Park fireworks on July 4th and Brewfest, just to name a few.
But sometimes us non-beach-dwelling, backyard-vacation-taking chumps need a little more than a weekend-long festival to keep us from boredom.
So hereâ€™s some everyday activities to keep your mind occupied during summer break.
1. Go to the library
Donâ€™t laugh. Seriously, it hurts my feelings. This isnâ€™t supposed to be a funny suggestion.
For all you youngsters out there, thereâ€™s this place where they catalog all these written works for reader enjoyment. Itâ€™s called a library.
No, not the one on iTunes. These have books.
Books? OK, let me explain. Books are these things you can hold in your hands and flip pages back and forth to read stories.
No, not like an iPad. These paper pages are real, like newspapers.
Whatâ€™s a newspaper? You gotta be kidding me.
Wanna really be tripped out? Check out a phonebook. Itâ€™s like a paper form of the Internet.
2. Take a summer class
Yeah, you did just spend an entire semester crammed into those desks, pulling all nighters and writing papers. But summer classes arenâ€™t all too horrendous.
Basically professors take 15 weeks of lectures, reading and tests and pack them into a four-week-long hell ride.
But take a look at the bright side; you spend so much time trying to keep up with summer courses that you donâ€™t have the time want to skip class for the Ramskeller.
Plus, how else would you get your weekly dose of the Collegian â€¦ other than Collegian.com? Shameless plug.
3. Play video games
Summertime allows a great opportunity for men and women to get back to their roots, to get back to nature.
But screw that. Youâ€™ve got like 200 hours of â€œHaloâ€ you need to catch up on.
You might start to look a little less tan then the rest of society. You may gain some weight. And yes, your eyes will go blurry.
But you need to fight the good fight, or at least let your characters fight it for you.
4. Visit the great outdoors
No, no. Not the store. Donâ€™t be stupid.
Taking a hike or swim up by Horsetooth can be quite refreshing. Maybe tube the Poudre or something.
Oh, oh, camping. Do that. Where else can you eat too many marshmallows, drink crappy beer and start fires?
That last suggestion isnâ€™t for all you â€œenthusiastsâ€ or, quite frankly, â€œhealthy human beings.â€
5. Do the FoCo bar crawl
Again with the drinking and the partying and the goings on you say. Yeah, weâ€™re in college. Itâ€™s what we do.
During the summer though, the usual spots chill out a bit. Not so many d-bags and mean women to ruin your night.
And you can do your drinking outside, on a patio of sorts, because itâ€™s summer. Itâ€™s warm. Unless itâ€™s raining â€¦ or hailing â€¦ or the wind is blowing hard.
It snowed last week? Câ€™mon.
But we do have our fun responsibly. No one wants to see you streak through Old Town Square buddy. And that officer definitely doesnâ€™t want to handcuff you naked.
Managing Editor Johnny Hart has a fancy-pants new job title. Eventually, he will rule the world and control you all. Send praises to firstname.lastname@example.org.