Dating Pro-Tip: If the cops show up to your first date to talk to the guy youâ€™re with, you should probably consider running away and not talking to him anymore.
Dear students: I throw away the papers you turn in at the end of the semester without reading them because the grammar and unoriginality depresses me.
If I had an hour left to live, Iâ€™d spend it in CO 300 because it feels like an eternity.
To the girl who lost one shoe in the girlâ€™s bathroom: I am sorry, but Prince Charming canâ€™t go in there.
To the two squirrels mating in front of me: Get a room.