Apr 272010
Authors: Johnny Hart

So let me preface this column a bit.

No, I am not morbid. I don’t have a fascination with the dead. Cemeteries are scary. I do not enjoy necrophilia nor do any members of my family.

Oh, and I sleep with the light on.

Phew, now that’s over, let’s get on to meeting the people I’d like to meet.
So us editors over here in the newsroom tussled with a few ideas on how this topic should go.

First suggestion: The Top 5 people I’d like to meet in heaven. But even forgetting that the idea is probably a violation of copyright, it seemed like all the good musicians are probably in hell.

Second suggestion: The Top 5 people I’d like to meet when I die. But I found it strangely uninviting to talk about my own death. Bad juju.

So we settled on this one because it eliminates all the people still living that I could meet when I die or that may die before me, narrowing down my list to a few billion former humans.

Research for this is going to take FOREVER.

1. Babe Ruth

Since I was old enough to stand, my family raised me on baseball. And who best to idolize? The Sultan of Swat, the Great Bambino –– George Herman Ruth.
The great No. 3 epitomized Americana –– the fame, the fortune, the girls. And all for playing a game.

Plus, the dude ate like four hotdogs before every game and lived to a pretty ripe old age. Nicely done there.

I imagine meeting Mr. Ruth somewhat like in that scene from “The Sandlot,” when he steps out of Benny’s closet to blueish-white smoke.

But I’m keepin’ my Hank Aaron baseball card.

2. Kurt Cobain

Kurt Cobain’s a little different of a monster to conquer compared to Babe Ruth.
The grunge-era star lived in a glorious time for music, especially in the scene that Seattle had.

But Cobain lived pretty precariously, teetering on the edge with an addiction to heroin and hard living.

So I might need to catch up on all my shots before I meet Mr. Cobain, but several questions I’ve always wanted to ask him have been brewing since I was an angsty teenager.

One: “Who really killed you?” Two: “Was it actually better to burn out than to fade away?”

3. F. Scott Fitzgerald and Hunter S. Thompson

Fitzgerald is a gimme for most literature fans, but I decided to throw in Thompson because they both had the same viewpoint on the “American Dream.”

Both seemed to portray their characters as outsiders, looking in on the lives of those who were living the American way of life. But both took drastically different stances on the issue.

Fitzgerald, through “The Great Gatsby,” really longed for that life –– that “American Dream.” Thompson said the dream had died and would never return.

Also, I’d like to meet them because they both probably partied their asses off.

4. John Lennon

At the risk of sounding pretty cliché, which is caused by all you neo-hippies out there who like the Beatles because of some weird need to fit a mold, meeting John Lennon would be pretty rad.

The man crossed the ocean with a few of his buddies and revolutionized music for pretty much any modern artist.

I’m going to overlook that the only true, technical musician was George Harrison and most early Beatles songs can be played with just three chords. But they did have one thing down pat: What sounded good.

One thing John didn’t have down, though, was finding the right lady. I mean, come on. Yoko?

Oh, and I’d ask, “Is Paul dead?”

5. George Carlin

George Carlin, on top of being a very exciting and funny comedian, is like the Jedi master of cursing. I mean, the man created an artform.

As a journalist, it’s pretty much required that you have a foul mouth. But I’d like to think I take my craft to a whole different level –– one that Mr. Carlin would appreciate.

We could sit down, chill out for a while and swap foul four-letter words for a while. What a beautiful sight.

Plus the man was a champion of the First Amendment and free speech –– also something near and dear to all journalists.


Entertainment Editor Johnny Hart has had senioritis since he was a sophomore in high school. You may be able to contact him at verve@collegian.com. But probably not.

 Posted by at 4:13 pm

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