Mar 102010
Authors: Savannah King

Blondes don’t have more fun. Seriously.

Think about all the stuff we blondes (I speak as a completely natural one), and women in general, have to put up with. The leering comments, the lack of eye contact.

And should I happen to be giggly and bubbly or wearing my sorority letters? Reduction to bimbo status is immediate.

Personally, I would give up every dude who has ever hit on me to get just one who takes for granted that I actually have a brain without me having to whip up on his intellectual ass to prove it.

Hence the chord Kristen Harmel’s “The Blonde Theory” struck with me. That sentiment will most likely resonate with any person out there who has ever been stereotyped.

Basic plot rundown: Main character Harper is incredibly smart, successful and blonde. But her lack of ditzyness translates to a life devoid of fun as every time a man hits on her he eventually runs from her forceful personality.

So she hatches a plan, just as any desperate woman would. Instead of being blonde and intelligent, she will be blonde and idiotic. She will bat her eyelashes, wear clothing typical of hookers and pepper her sentences with “like” and “totally.”

And it, like, so totally works.

I’m sure you know the rest –– it’s a book about stereotypes after all, so why shouldn’t it be one in and of itself? Basically, Harper gets boatloads of men with her ditzy act, then meets a truly bad egg who makes her realize her ability to embrace who she is and still find true love, and everyone lives happily ever after.

This got me thinking. Forget about the fuzzy ending, and forget about the blonde part. How many women actually do this?

I’m not talking and dressing sexy and flirting. That’s acceptable. That’s fun and normal. I want to know how many women go out man hunting and completely change their personality to attract someone?

True, this probably works better. I’ve started a couple of conversations about AP bio cat dissection or the proper use of semicolons that most definitely cause men’s eyes to glaze over. Or to widen in a drunken panic. Either way, they tend to book it soon after.

(Note to self: new tactic to deter creepers)

But why should it work better? It causes me to seriously question the values society wants to see in a woman. They want the stereotype: Tall, skinny, busty.

So women pursue this ideal. Oh yes, we do. I know I do. Think any of us like dropping a bazillion dollars on clothes? Shaving? Spending an hour to get ready? Negative, ghost rider.

However, I don’t think I realized how much women buy into a personality stereotype as well. The stereotype that says we don’t care what’s coming out of a girl’s mouth as long as the lips are pouty and the teeth are white.

I hereby dub this buy-in the blonde theory after Harmel’s book. The theory says women must act dumb in order to be attractive people.

And according to the book, it’s legitimate. Even with the whole womanly empowerment ending, it still says, “Yes! Act like this, and look how many youíll reel in! But don’t do it. It’s very bad, even though it works.”

What does this say to women? Since this is the message we are constantly given, it’s up to us. Let’s get rocking on the whole real empowerment deal. Don’t listen to books like this, as hard as it is.

Be yourself and the whole 9 yards. But I do still condone masterfully applied makeup. You should be natural, after all.

Book reviewer Savannah King can be reached at

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