Everyoneâ€™s had the thought that maybe they want to shed a few pounds or tighten things up a bit. Now of course, there are many ways to go about this. Start exercising more, eating right, etc. But one way no one should ever, and I mean ever, try to lose weight is by going on a Taco Bell diet.
Yet to my sheer amazement, these people actually exist.
When I first heard about the so-called â€œdietâ€ being offered at Taco Bell, I realized that this is an ironic advertising campaign. Thereâ€™s absolutely no way anyone would ever take this seriously. I stand here now corrected. Dumbfounded, but corrected.
The first time I walked into Taco Bell and came face to face with the cardboard cutout advertisement, I was forced to admit to myself that this was not some elaborate hoax, but real after all. It took every fiber of my being to resist checking into a mental institute.
So thank you, Taco Bell. Thank you for completely destroying the little bit of faith I had left in humanity. If we as Americans can accept the idea of a fast food diet as a legitimate nutritious meal plan, then we deserve every single fat joke ever made against us.
I canâ€™t even begin to describe the pure ridiculousness of this. Taco Bell is the same company that introduced the idea of a fourth meal and a half-pound of beef, cheese and rice for 89 cents.
Not enough proof? How about the fact that they offered a free taco coupon as a promotion for the diet? Nothing says lose weight like free food.
This idea is even worse than the Subway diet. Just because some guy lost 200 pounds by eating Subway doesnâ€™t make the chicken bacon ranch sub a healthy addition to your day.
Itâ€™s simple. If you want to go on a diet, you donâ€™t get to have Taco Bell or any other type of fast food. It just doesnâ€™t work like that. End of story. Sorry if this comes off as a bit harsh, but if you believe otherwise, then youâ€™re an idiot.
This alone is more than enough to convince me that the intelligence level of the population is going down. And rather sharply, I might add. Someone seriously needs to walk up to the president of Taco Bell and smack him across the face.
Honestly, if someone walked up to you and told you that youâ€™ll be healthier if you eat this taco, would you ever take them seriously? Even for a second? I didnâ€™t think so. So why should it be different for a fast food chain?
If anyone currently reading this is an active member of Taco Bellâ€™s Drive Thru diet, then I have one small request to ask of you. Donâ€™t ever reproduce. Seriously. The world is going to be far better off without any part of you in it.
To lose weight, you donâ€™t need some miracle diet that lets you keep eating your favorite foods. You need some self-control to get yourself to eat smart and exercise more often.
By no means am I saying that if youâ€™re overweight, you have to drop the weight. If youâ€™re happy with yourself, then who should judge you? But if you are serious about it, donâ€™t be dumb enough to continuing to shove Taco Bell in your gullet.
To me, the creation of a Taco Bell diet is the most convincing sign Iâ€™ve yet to witness that the world is, indeed, going to end in 2012. So when the apocalypse strikes, make sure you point the finger at Taco Bell.
James Twigg is the assistant arts editor of the The Spectrum of the University of Buffalo. Letters and feedback can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org.