So this is the Valentine’s Day column. We men like to call this holiday V-Day, for obvious reasons.
It has been suggested that we share with you what a date with the Binary Boys would be like (one of us is actually single for the coming holiday, ladies). Let’s set the mood …
You started hitting on us while playing World of Warcraft way back in November. By the time things got to the point that we were ready for our first date, we already knew that we would be switching the V-Day meet up to Feb. 15 to avoid conflict with the guild meeting taking place the day prior.
Our rendezvous will be anything but ordinary. We would pick you up at the agreed time in a thestral-drawn carriage (you know, like in Harry Potter). Unless there are three seats across the front of the carriage, you may have to sit in the back.
You’ll soon discover that we have spent ample time recreating the most romantic movie scene we can think of for the occasion. Remember the snowfall scene at the end of â€œEdward Scissorhands?â€ Think along those lines.
After watching you spin in a number of circles as we discuss whether or not you look cuter than Wynona Ryder, it will be time for dinner.
Guess what? We’re cooking for you tonight.
What you think looks like a delicious plate of tofu catering to your leafy-inclined palette is in fact our specialty: a generous portion of Soylent Green.
After dinner, you know you’ll be treated like a princess when our attention remains focused on you rather than entering a food coma or plopping down to surf /b/ to see if anyone has made any new Bachelor Frogs.
Perhaps with you, milady, the days of living like the Bachelor Frog will soon be nearing an end.
By now we may have had too much wine. So much, in fact, that we begin regaling you with reasons why we love our computers more than a girlfriend.
Computers have a single on/off switch. A computer doesn’t mind you using other computers. It’s a lot easier to mount multiple hard drives. Most new computers come equipped with multi-touch inputs. The cashier won’t judge you when you buy virus protection. And finally, there’s nothing wrong with sharing one computer with everyone at the apartment
Oh, and computer labs are socially acceptable.
At this point, the night can go one of two ways. You will either follow us into our room when we invite you to view our collection of 20-sided dice. Or you will quickly vacate the premises. Assuming you choose the former, you won’t regret your decision as you’ll enter the section of the apartment lit by battery operated candles.
Spooning may commence shortly, and it’s your lucky day. You get to be big and little spoon. We’ll drift off into dreamland listening to N*SYNC records backwards to try and find hidden meaning because we couldnâ€™t find any with it playing forward.
So thatâ€™s the Binary Boys V-Day experience. We had to edit it to keep the dirty parts from corrupting the unblemished minds of you young college students.
Remember, half of us is single, so shoot us an e-mail and you can experience all of the above. Except change all of the â€œweâ€ parts to a singular form. It sounds less creepy doesnâ€™t it?
Columnists Ryan Gibbons and Glen Pfeiffer don’t know anything about V-Day. Maybe you should take one of us out instead. Send comments, feedback and proposals of marriage to email@example.com.