Feb 012010
Authors: Compiled by Heidi Reitmeier

Is it bad that I keep my condoms in the same drawer as my Bible?

Best morning ever: Catching your neighbor with her blinds open as she is topless and in a thong brushing her hair at 7:30 a.m.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, not screaming like the passengers in my car.

The upside to being dumped this weekend: I can openly resume my hatred of Valentine’s Day.

I’m 98 percent sure texting while you’re in the bathroom stall is unsanitary, and 100 percent sure that I’ll never shake your hand.

 Posted by at 3:46 pm

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