Break ups are like broccoli; It may be good for you, but even the good ones still taste like crap.
To the guy I gave the pink razor phone to: It was actually my mom’s, but I’ll let her know you’re enjoying it.
Did anyone else find it ironic that the front page of yesterday’s news paper had an article about second-hand smoke effects on dogs and at the same time the picture had a guy wearing an “Always Hi” shirt holding his dog?
“Go hang a salami! I’m a lasagna hog.” Now I’m the Palindrome Fight Champion.
Just because we’re in college does not mean that a hat suffices for a shower.
All you need is love…but all you want are hookers.
To the gentleman who left the sweet note on my car: I’m assuming the all caps on C**T means you are really mad? Do you feel better now?
You know you’re too drunk when you try and walk home from your own apartment.
To the blonde girl in the PACe Center: Who are we kidding? I sit by you on purpose, you sit by me on purpose. I wish you were my calculator so I could plug in my natural log.