To the guy in the library yelling on his iPhone: Don’t you have text messaging on that 3G?
Boulder kids, naming your school after Barack Obama is about as cool as naming a sandwich after Larry Penley.
You know you’re getting old when on your birthday you’d rather have a girlfriend than a threesome.
How can there be a fair and loving god when I can fall asleep with whiskey dick and wake up with morning wood?
Sorry Durex condoms but Trojan Man beats Thinvisible Man every time.
To the guy taking the picture of Cam’s from behind: is that picture for you girlfriend?
To the basketball player humping the exercise ball at the Rec. Center, looks like you’re not getting enough game time.
To all the freshman stoners living in the towers: Next time I see you taking a “walk” down my street, you better be ready to pass that …
To the guy I walked in on in the single library bathroom, a simple turning of the lock or response to my knock could have sufficed.