Murray State defeats Rams

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Nov 302008
 
Authors: Justin Warren

Saturday night the Rams’ women’s basketball team lost their fourth game of the year, 75-70, to the Murray State Racers (3-3) in the second day of the Coors Rocky Mountain Invitational at Moby Arena.

Murray State was able to go on a 21-6 run over the final ten minutes of play to rally past CSU (1-4).

With eight missed field goals and three turnovers in the final five minutes of play by CSU, Murray Sate capitalized with a 6-0 run to end the game.

“I don’t know that our shot selections was very good (down the stretch),” said CSU head coach Kristen Holt. “I just think that our movement was not as good in the second half, and then our shot selection was not good.”

The twins Amber and Paige Guffey for the Racers had a great night against the Rams with Paige Guffey scoring 14 points and Amber Guffey putting up a dominating 36 point performance. They also ended the game with two crucial free throws apiece.

“She (Amber Guffey) is a good player,” coach Holt said. “She’s just smart, takes what you give her, and she can flat-out shoot. She’s just a very good all-around player.”

Amber Guffey compiled 21 points in the first half, as the Rams’ defense held her Murray State teammates 2 for 23 from the field in the first 20 minutes of play.

The Rams ended the first half with a 39-32 advantage over the Racers.

CSU pulled out to a 14 point lead at the 4:04 mark in the first half with Kandy Beemer, Bonnie Barbee and Kim Mestdagh all combining for four three-pointers in four minutes of play.

Mestdagh, making her first start for the injured Juanise Cornell, and Barbee lead the Rams in scoring with 12 points each while Beemer, Britney Minor and Meghan Heimstra all added nine points each.

Minor scored seven of her nine points from the free throw line, going 7-8, and Heimstra had her best game of the season with nine points, five rebounds and three blocked shots.

“Megan did a really nice job of being active, she just made things happen and that’s what we need,” added coach Holt.

In the other two games during the Thanksgiving break, the Rams went 1-1, picking up their first win of the year 69-60 against Idaho, but losing 64-53 to Valparaiso last Friday night in the first round of the Coors Rock Mountain Invitational.

The Rams host Denver (2-3), who is coming off a loss to Creighton Sunday afternoon, at 7 p. m. Wednesday in Moby Arena.

Staff writer Justin Warren can be reached at sports@collegian.com.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

Men’s basketball goes 1-3 over break – THANKSGIVING BREAK PHOTO SLIDESHOW

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Nov 302008
 
Authors: Matthew Pucak

For the CSU Men’s Basketball team the Thanksgiving holiday was anything but a break, as the Rams played four games in the week that students left campus, going 1-3.

Each game was unique for the Rams, as the team dropped one game to a Division II squad, lost two heartbreakers and pulled out one win in the eventful week, leaving them at 3-3 on the season.

On Nov. 22, as the football team paraded around with the Bronze Boot after taking down Wyoming, the Rams lost at the buzzer against Big Ten foe Minnesota 72-71, when CSU forward Andre McFarland’s jumper rattled out.

The Rams played the game without guard Willis Gardner, while fellow senior guard Marcus Walker was not at full strength after being struck by a car in the Moby Arena parking lot the day before. Still, the Rams, behind 16 points from McFarland and Andy Odige and 15 points and eight rebounds by Dan Vandervieren, hung close to the Gophers, only losing by the slimmest of margins.

“I stood on the baseline and thought it was in,” said head coach Tim Miles about McFarland’s final attempt. “It was a good look, and the look we wanted, and it didn’t go. That’s just the difference in the night. I thought we had them.”

The Rams felt good about the narrow loss, but the emotions were opposite just two nights later when the Rams were upset by Division II St. Martin’s (from Lacey, Wash.) 83-76. CSU was without Walker and Gardner again, but they didn’t use that as an excuse.

“Saint Martin’s absolutely ran circles around us,” said Miles. “They ran and dictated everything. We have to go out and do absolutely a better job in our defense. We have to execute our offense better and more than anything, we have to have a winning mentality.”

Jake Linton scored 24 points and Bill Richardson posted 25 points and nine rebounds for St. Martin’s, while the Rams were again led by McFarland, who dropped in a career highs in points (23) and rebounds (10).

The high for the Rams came on Wednesday as they rolled over New Orleans 78-60. Ogide put up 22 points and 12 rebounds, and Walker’s return gave the Rams a boost, in the form of 19 points.

“We need Marcus,” said Miles. “He’s our leader and the guys look to him. Our players feed off him because he brings a great, positive aura.”

The game was an offensive struggle, as there was a 6:31 section of the game which featured just one basket, but the Rams were able to persevere to pull away, and Miles especially credited Ogide.

“I was proud of Andy,” said Miles. “That’s the type of player he is, and can be. You know, he didn’t score for a lot of the game and still scored 22 points and 12 rebounds.”

The conclusion of the Rams road trip was another narrow loss. San Francisco beat them 65-63 on two Kwame Vaughn free throws with just 3.2 seconds left. The Rams trailed much of the contest before catching up to the Dons, but couldn’t equalize in the last seconds, as a Jesse Carr missed a jumper at the buzzer.

“It took awhile to adapt,” Miles said. “We did some good things, we did some bad things. But I thought we played fairly well over the last 20 minutes.”

Despite the return of Gardner to the Rams lineup, CSU was still shorthanded in the game with the loss of guard Harvey Perry, but Walker continued to show he was over the injury with 22 points.

Despite the loss, Miles feels that the Rams are better off than last season.

“It’s a better feeling than last year,” said Miles, “because this year it feels like we can do something with it.”

Men’s basketball beat writer Matthew Pucak can be reached at sports@collegian.com.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

The Star Report: Rams going bowling thanks to BCS

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Nov 302008
 
Authors: Sean Star

Forgive me for being a few days late.

But I know exactly what I’m thankful for this year.

The Bowl Championship Series. Yes, the BCS.

Yeah, it’s a shame that Texas won’t be going to the Big 12 Championship game despite having the same record and defeating the team that is going, Oklahoma.

And sure, a playoff is certainly long overdue-especially in a year like this in which a dozen teams have a semi-legitimate claim to play in the national championship.

Call me selfish, but I could care less.

The Rams are going to a bowl game for the first time in three years, and the BCS is a big reason why.

You see, after the final rankings are released next weekend, Utah will automatically qualify for a BCS bowl after an undefeated regular season. And so, every Mountain West team jumps up a spot to fill the void left by Utah.

This means the 6-6 Rams become the conference’s fourth-best team, instead of the fifth-best. And that means, barring a circumstance I’m unaware of, CSU is headed to the New Mexico Bowl Dec. 20.

Considering where this team was last year- possessing at one of time one of the longest losing streaks in the nation- that’s huge, and it’s largely thanks to the often-hated BCS.

Finishing the regular season .500 is one thing. Going to a bowl game is something entirely different.

It’s a tangible accomplishment.

It’s, as quarterback Billy Farris told the Collegian after defeating Wyoming, “really special.”

So special, that it turns Steve Fairchild from a great coach to a near savior.

So special, that it makes athletic director Paul Kowalczyk look like a genius for making a very unpopular coaching change last year.

So special, that it gives fans, coaches and players something to look forward to for an entire month.

But wait, that’s not it.

Yes, the BCS is a gift that keeps on giving- well at least to some.

Because of Utah’s inclusion in the BCS, every team in the Mountain West will receive some extra cash.

It’s a win-win.

If you also factor in the money the Rams will make from their bowl game, then it’s shaping up to be a jolly holiday season for the funding-deficient CSU Athletics Department.

To get an idea of how stoked the department is about the Rams’ bowl chances, just check its website, which boasted “The Rams are Bowl Eligible” in big, bold letters just hours after CSU defeated Wyoming last Saturday.

Forget Black Friday. This is a two-for-one deal that can’t be beat for anyone who bleeds green and gold.

So thanks, BCS.

A lot is wrong with you, just ask President-elect Barack Obama, who has abdicated for a playoff. But as far as the Rams are concerned, at least for this year, the BCS is just fine.

Sports columnist Sean Star can be reached at sports@collegian.com.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

Tourney Time: Rams volleyball headed to Fla. for first round

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Nov 302008
 
Authors: Stephen Myers

The CSU volleyball team better pack some sunscreen this weekend because it’s headed to Gainesville, Fla. for the first and second rounds of the NCAA tournament. CSU is one of 33 schools to receive an at-large bid to the tournament, making its 14th consecutive trip.

The team, head coach Tom Hilbert and about fifty CSU students and Ft. Collins residents gathered at The Stonehouse Grille in Old Town Sunday night awaiting the announcement of the destination for the team’s first round match-up.

The Rams (22-6) take on the Florida International Golden Panthers (28-6) in the first round and with a win will play the winner between Florida and Florida A&M – a possible re-match with a Florida team the Rams beat at Moby on Sept. 13. Stanford (No. 2), Hawaii (No. 7), Purdue (No. 10) and Florida (No. 15) are the top teams in the bracket division. Hilbert said he is pleased with the selection and is excited for the possible re-match against Florida.

“I think we got a pretty good deal considering the way we have played recently,” said Hilbert. “This will give ourselves a warm-up then a chance to play Florida and get back here. Our team is familiar with them and ready for this. I’m actually really excited. Obviously we’ll go out to Gainesville and do the best we can.”

Hilbert does not know much about Florida International besides the fact that they will have many foreign players and are a team the Rams should beat. Senior setter Ashley Fornstrom looks forward to its first-round match-up.

“They are a beatable team,” said Fornstrom. “It will be a little rougher since it is on the road, but we need to finish games which we haven’t been doing lately and do more on defense and stay strong throughout.”

Fornstrom is also excited about the possible re-match with Florida, who Hilbert said will be much improved from when the two played each other in September.

“They are going to be much better. Young teams like them improve throughout the season and they are going to be at home and will be looking for revenge,” Hilbert said. “We’ve shown we’ve done it before.”

The winner of the second round match will travel to CSU’s Moby Arena on Dec. 12-13 for the regional semifinals and final. Hilbert said there may be some added pressure for CSU to make it to the regional round back home.

“I’m sure it’s added some pressure,” said Hilbert. “Though I’ve never spoken to the team about getting back here.”

Fornstrom looked at it as extra motivation.

“I think it’s more of a motivation thing for us to get back to Moby and play,” said Fornstrom. “We can surprise some people and do it here in our home court which we feel so comfortable in.”

The winner of the regional final at Moby will advance to the Final Four Dec. 18-20 in Omaha, Neb. The Rams never have advanced beyond the regional semifinals and last went to the regional semifinal in 2003, losing at Florida.

CSU student and volleyball fan Tracee Cammarata said she is excited about the team’s first and second round destination but would like to see her Rams play.

“We’re really excited, but we need fans there,” said Cammarata, who is a junior majoring in equine science. “We want to support our team; it’s good for the team. Whether it’s five, 10 or two of us it would help them out and I think CSU should pay the bill and get students there.”

Dates and times have not been set for the first- and second-round matches, which begin on Dec. 4.

CSU was one of two teams from the MWC to make it to the tournament, with MWC champion Utah being the other. Utah, which earned the No. 12 seed, heads to Clemson, S.C. to face Furman. The Utes are in the Seattle, Wash. regional side of the bracket.

Volleyball beat writer Stephen Meyers can be reached at sports@collegian.com.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

Face Off: Students give stance on possible Clinton appointment

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Nov 302008
 
Authors: Kate Bennis

Just weeks after his defeat of Sen. John McCain, President-elect Barack Obama has to officially announce six of his selections for his presidential cabinet.

Among the six, he expected to announce former opponent Sen. Hillary Clinton as his secretary of state.

The Collegian set out to discover students’ thoughts on her potential appointment.

Jason Dempsey, a sophomore business major, offered his thoughts on why Clinton is the right person for the job.

Q: Do you agree with president-elect Barack Obama’s potential decision to appoint Hillary Clinton as secretary of state?

A: Yes

Q: What problems do you think may arise in the future?

A: The only problem I could see is the power struggle, which is why she probably wasn’t chosen as the vice president. Other than that, she knows the world and has visited everywhere, so I’d say she’d be a good candidate. It’s a good place for her and she deserves it.

Q: What do you think Clinton will be able to contribute?

A: She has a lot of past experience in politics. She also has a lot of Democratic supporters — half the Democratic Party — and that will help, because support behind your government is always good.

Q: What do you think the Secretary of State should focus on during his or her time in office?

A: The economy, I think, is number one.

Aiden Montgomery, a freshman undeclared major, gave us his perspective on why Clinton is not the best pick.

Q: Do you agree with president-elect Barack Obama’s potential decision to appoint Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State?

A: No

Q: What problems do you think may arise in the future?

A: I think Clinton could do badly, but a lot of people have high hopes for her because of her past experience. I don’t think Clinton will have to face any new issues that any other secretary of state hasn’t previously encountered.

Q: What do you think Clinton will be able to contribute?

A: She’s a strong icon in the Democratic Party and she’s a woman, which has negative and positive aspects. She’s a strong role model for women who want to get involved with politics. On the other hand, there are negative associations because in some other countries, women aren’t typically involved in politics, especially in the Middle East, because of their status in Islamic society.

Q: What do you think the secretary of state should focus on during his or her time in office?

A: You have to maintain diplomatic relations with other countries as previous successful secretaries of state have. One should maintain and engage talks with Iran and other Middle Eastern countries so we can avoid future conflicts.

Staff writer Kate Bennis can be reached at letters@collegian.com.

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Give something meaningful this holiday season

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Nov 302008
 
Authors: Anne Marie Merline

Finals season is finally hitting the CSU campus.

Of course, after we all get done with our classes, our finals, our projects and our papers, we all will rush home for the holidays. For many of us, our winter celebrations come with the expectations of giving gifts to others that we love.

As I am planning my spring honors seminar on consumerism and the effects on the environment, my plea is that you plan your gift giving in a different way this year.

I have been thinking about writing this column for a year and a half, and now that the holiday season is upon us again, it is time. My plea for you is for you not to buy but to do.

The usual scenario is for the holiday season is to make a list of people that you need to buy gifts for and to go out and fill in the slots besides each name with a wonderful deal thanks to your not-so-local big-box store. Or for the discerning consumer, your local overpriced boutique.

In this spring seminar that I teach to second-semester students, I try to get to the heart of the matter: quality of life.

Yes, I too have been lured into the mindset that I cannot live without my laptop, or that my iTouch is much better than my iPod from the year before. Heck, I even got a new cell phone last month (granted, my old phone’s ability to be charged on any given day was as predictable as the weather here in Colorado).

It is virtually recognized that we need this technology like my grandparents needed a washer and dryer, a television set and a landline in more than one room in the house.

I am not a Luddite in these affairs, nor am I a poster child for the least amount of money spent in any given year on American soil.

My point is, in the spirit of giving, why not try something more meaningful this year?

As I was helping Joni Martin, my son Benjamin’s third grade teacher at Dunn Elementary, last week, the hand-made calendars the students are in the process of making offered me some thoughts for this column. On the December page, there are “gifts” that each student is giving his/her family for Christmas.

Here in the minds of Fort Collins’ 8-year olds, are the thoughts of sages. Many offered gifts of love — just pure love for Christmas.

Others were more specific, “keep my room clean for a month,” an idea to bring breakfast in bed to his/her mother and an offer to walk the dog for a week.

My favorite gift from one boy: He is going to let his brother beat him up.

Here we have acts of pure giving. Nothing that comes from a store, no money changing hands, just pure acts of giving.

I am sure that you can think of an act that someone in your family would enjoy.

How about cleaning out your brother or sister’s car? Bringing a friend to a movie and splurge for some popcorn. Help your parent sort out some of the pictures for a photo album that has waited to be done for the last 12 years. Bake some cookies for your best friend. Write a meaningful letter to someone who will appreciate your sentiments.

Do something kind for the people you love. Show them your effort, and that way your Visa bill will not show you the bad news in January.

Globalgiving.com enables you to pick a country and cause to donate to. Remember, that while a nice new sweater might bring someone a smile and a thank you, there are so many in the world who need the basics to survive.

We are lucky enough to have access to food, shelter, clothing, clean water and medical care. There are some who need these “gifts” just to survive.

Anne Marie Merline is an instructor for the University Honors Program. Her column appears biweekly Mondays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be sent to letters@collegian.com.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

The Last Word in Astrology

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Nov 302008
 
Authors: Eugenia Last

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Start thinking more about your financial future and stop overdoing it in all aspects of your life. It’s time to put a dollar figure on your talent and make the most of the services you have to offer. Put some money away. 2 stars

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You can make a couple of adjustments that will help you engage in a brighter future. Consider the job of your choice and focus on what you have to do to get it. Get moving in a direction that will satisfy you financially. 5 stars

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Look at the relationships you are involved in and make plans to do things with the people you favor most. Don’t hesitate to back away from those who bring you down. You need to be around upbeat, motivated individuals who will spark your creativity. 3 stars

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Let your feelings be known. This is a great time to stabilize your situation at home or to size down if that will help you financially. Your perception of how someone views you may be off if you let your sensitivity take over. 3 stars

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Put your to-do list together and move quickly to complete what needs to be done. Once you have your work out of the way, you can enjoy other aspects of your life. Shop, plan a vacation or socialize with people who make you think and who spark your imagination. 3 stars

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Make arrangements to do things with friends who will allow you to explore new avenues. A change in plans will lead to greater love and romance. Shopping will bring practical results. 5 stars

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Sticking too close to home will lead to disagreements with someone you care about. Overindulgence or taking on too much will cause more trouble. Don’t push the one you love. Ultimatums will not work. 2 stars

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Don’t let anyone bully you or take credit for something you have done. You have to be aggressive if you want to get ahead. A change of plans will actually turn out to be to your advantage. 4 stars

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Work with someone who can teach you and you will be able to incorporate an added twist to your findings. Don’t make a snap decision about someone or something if you haven’t assessed the situation thoroughly. Time is on your side. 3 stars

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You’ll have plenty to think about financially and personally. Protect your assets. Love looks promising if you are straightforward about your intentions. 3 stars

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If you share your secrets with anyone, expect rumors to spread. It may be time to ‘fess up to anything you feel guilty about and start anew with someone you care deeply about. A commitment can be made that will lead to greater stability. 3 stars

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Do what you say instead of just talking about it. Once you put your plans into motion, you will feel better about yourself and your future. Now is not the time to let others guide you. A good partnership is apparent and will help you achieve more. 4 stars

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

Ram Talk

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Nov 302008
 
Authors: Compiled Nina Beitz

You know you should really attend class more when: The day you do go, another student walks in and upon seeing you, second guesses if it’s the right room or not.

Dear Fort Collins police, you are no longer welcome at our parties — you kill the vibe.

If drinking and driving is against the law, then why are there so many bottle opener key chains?

Dear roommate, seeing how you’re a construction management major, is there a way you could make the walls separating our rooms thicker so I don’t get woken up by

you doing someone at 4 a.m.?

You know it’s going to be a bad day when your vibrator runs out of batteries.

Since I’m pretty sure there isn’t a single person that keeps the sudoku to check the “yesterday’s answers” section, maybe that space should be used for something more useful … like a second sudoku.

Here’s an idea — how about next year we don’t spend $100,000 dollars on a homecoming concert that everyone complained about, and instead put that money toward another lot or parking garage at the library. That way I don’t spend 26 minutes circling the lot and wasting my precious adderall high.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

America must apply uniform response to genocide

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Nov 302008
 
Authors: Matthew H. Ghazarian Harvard Crimson

(U-WIRE) – Over the course of this year’s campaign, my grandparents were particularly happy with now President-elect Barack Obama

For them, his appeal didn’t lie with his denunciation of the war in Iraq, his plan for universal health care or even his promise to reinvigorate the economy. Rather, it was his stance on the Armenian Genocide, of which my grandparents were victims, that won them over.

“America deserves a leader who speaks truthfully about the Armenian Genocide and responds forcefully to all genocides,” Obama said last January. “I intend to be that President.”

Only time will tell whether or not Obama will stick to his word. History, certainly, is not on his side.

Despite its steady criticism of human rights violations abroad, the U.S. government has a disconcerting tendency to use its power not as a means of preventing the more despicable cases of crimes against humanity, but as a strategic or political tool.

It’s no news that Iranian President Ahmadinejad has consistently denied the occurrence of the Holocaust. The U.S. government wasted no time in lambasting Ahmadinejad.

In 2007, Congress passed a resolution signaling their disapproval in no uncertain terms and condemning the practice of Holocaust denial in general. Of course, there remains no political risk in scolding Iran – America has had little strategic interest or diplomatic ambition in the Islamic Republic since both countries parted ways after the 1979 revolution.

It is no coincidence that, when these practical exigencies do exist, the U.S. abandons its hard-line opposition to genocide in all its forms.

The government of Turkey, one of America’s closest allies in the Middle East, not only vehemently denies the thoroughly documented slaughter and deportation of 1.5 million Armenians during World War I by Ottoman authorities, but has actually prosecuted its citizens for insinuating any such events occurred.

Raphael Lemkin, the man who invented the word “genocide,” did so in part because he could not find a word to describe the horrors of the Armenian episode.

Yet in October 2007 Congress – the very same legislature that inveighed against Holocaust denial when it was easy – simply refused to officially recognize the Armenian Genocide in a non-binding resolution.

Upon hearing the news that the House was planning a vote, Turkey threatened to cancel arms deals and revoke their support for American air units operating in Iraq. The U.S government blinked immediately.

Of course, some have pointed out that contemporary governments shouldn’t meddle in history, that the confirmation and evaluation of historical phenomena should be left to historians.

However, Congress has a strong precedent of politically recognizing historic events. In recent years, it has passed resolutions commemorating the anniversaries of the Holocaust, the founding of the Republican Party and even Napa Valley’s victory in a 1976 Paris wine-tasting competition. No one objected to these commemorations.

This moral inconsistency on genocide is nothing new.

In 1994, having recently suffered losses in Somalia, the American political establishment had no interest in starting other human rights expeditions in Africa – so it dithered while the Rwandan genocide was being perpetrated. At State Department press briefings, officials refused to acknowledge that genocide was occurring, despite internal documents clearly stating that it was.

This spineless denial delayed the placement of United Nations troops that could have averted the bloody 100 days during which Hutu militias slaughtered at least 800,000 Tutsi citizens. Intervention was simply politically inconvenient.

If American politicians are to continue to present this nation as the global defender of liberty and human rights, it must begin to do so in every case.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

Bachelordom, ‘Virtues of Mandom and sexual adventures’

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Nov 302008
 
Authors: J. David McSwane

A friend of mine recently likened my unconfirmed and alleged sexual exploits to a series of heroic and occasionally harrowing action-adventures. (Can I sue the Collegian for libel?)

And despite being a fervent vanguard in the advancement of man freedom — mandom for short — I was a bit taken aback.

At first the notion seemed a bit crass, but as I somersaulted off of my full-size bed in a storm of early testosterone flow one recent morning, I began to warm to the idea.

I mean, what man doesn’t want to be a part of an epic adventure?

Even the occasional engineering major ascends to stardom as the frivolously antisocial virgin number-cruncher sidekick.

So I slipped on my snazzy Batman boxers and snugly placed my authentic Indiana Jones cap upon my head. Then, with a slow, seductive Sean Connery inflection, I turned to my self-proclaimed Mirror of Erised and said, “The name’s J. — J. David McSwane. The J. stands for Justice.”

But as I narrowly dipped beneath the door frame of doom, skirted past the bookcase of the elder roommate and embarked upon the beer-stench-sticky-floored living room of death, I remember something a wise man, my uncle Ben, once told me: “With great power comes great responsibility.”

A man freedom fighter sworn to supreme bachelordom — I’m a certified defender of the manverse and chair of the Intergalactic Coalition for the Advancement of Whiskey as a Food Group — I wondered why the word “responsibility” came to me. Not having yet investigated which of my roommates had fresh milk that I could steal in small unnoticeable rations, I dismissed the idea.

“Cowabunga!”

As I hurdled over the advancing stool of bar and intrepidly plunged into the pit of cushion sofa, I reached the third and second-to-last stage of manlightenment: humbling one’s self before consuming Fruit Loops. You never know when these manpiphenies might hit you.

To be a true man of sexual adventure, I have come to understand, takes sacrifice.

As I crept into the icebox tomb of sustenance — the heart of the famed Cottage of Hottage — I began to evaluate what I might be willing to sacrifice: Having a home and mortgage? Check. Being an engineering major? Check and a smiley face emoticon. Never again admitting to anyone that you like the band Heart. A reluctant check.

Going it alone for the rest of your life, never to have the consistent and caring touch of another kindred spirit? WTF? There’s been a disturbance in the man force.

Eager to identify the source of this unacceptable entropy in the manverse, I turned on my internal Indiana Jones soundtrack and dared to embark into the dark vacuum where my soul once was (before I was hired at the Collegian) .

Tune in next Monday for another frivolous and pointless installment of “The election is now over, and McSwane has considerably less things about which he can rant.” In next week’s column, he will look death in the face and laugh — the fourth and final stage of manlightenment . or he might just write about something entirely different.

J. David McSwane is a senior journalism and technical communications major. His column runs Mondays in the Collegian. Attempts to save his soul can be sent to letters@collegian.com.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm