Jun 192007
Authors: Sean Reed

When it comes down to it, a lot of people don’t like Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney for the obvious reasons that they should.

The fact of the matter is that Romney will probably never be president of the United States, not for his obvious character flaws, but rather because to many voters, he is “Mormon Mitt” – the heretic candidate.

Now, I thought we had all gotten past this “burn the non-believer” bovine excrement, but a recent Gallup poll reveals the sad truth. Twenty-four percent of Americans, it said, would not even consider voting for a Mormon president.

When I read it, my first thought was “what are the odds for a Muslim? 120 million to one against – if he were a Sunni?”

Frankly, though, beyond the very clich/d Arthurian Crusade against the heathen response, I think that most people would be thrilled at some of the behaviors that Mr. Romney, as a faithful Mormon, exhibits.

Fact: Romney gives 10 percent of his income every year to a charitable organization. How many other politicians can you say do the same?

Of course, this organization is the Mormon Church, but at least it shows that he is dedicated to something that he believes betters the world he and his family live in.

Honestly, if you can show another politician that is so devoted to anything as Romney is to his church, I’ll show you a boardroom full of purple gorillas.

Here’s another one – Romney, because of his faith, does not smoke or drink alcohol.

The anti-tobacco campaign ought to perk up at this one. WHATDAFXUP.COM people- think about it! – Romney, a presidential candidate as a spokesman? I can’t think of a better way to keep the kids off cigs than to have him parading around in a giant chicken suit in your commercials. And what’s better is the fact that you know the tobacco lobby isn’t likely to find him in the bathroom puffing on a cig so they can cry foul to the press.

As for the whole “no alcohol” thing – trust me, my fellow CSU students, I think it’s a drag too, but think about it another way. After George “Party-boy” Bush, it’s a nice change to have a Republican candidate with a clean DUI record.

Who knows, if he wins, ol’ Dubya might get to pull the ultimate White House initiation prank on him by spiking his first cup of presidential coffee.

I can just see George now, laughing to secret service in the back of a limousine. “Stealing keyboard keys is for sucks.”

Of course, the whole no caffeine thing might be a bit of a hard sell. Pepsi and Coke may have to weigh in on this election season.

The promotions would be interesting at the least. For every pledge not to vote for Romney, you can redeem a free six-pack of the Pepsi product of your choice from your local supermarket. Hell, if our venders see you swear it on a Bible, you can have two!

Seriously, if you think any of this sounds ridiculous – it’s because it is.

Judging Romney by his religion is just as ignorant as judging McCain for his age, Obama for his skin color, or Clinton for being a woman.

With so many legitimate reasons to love (Barack) or hate (Romney, McCain, Clinton, et al.), why must we, as Americans, constantly be stooping to such low levels to criticize? Hating people for their race, religion or gender is as outdated as CSU President Larry Penley’s extensive collection of antique Barbie dolls.

Besides, it’s way more fun – and humiliating – to make fun of people for the stupid things they do – or to out and out make things up.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

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