SEX: A few rules to live by

Jan 282007
Authors: Kevin Dudley

What is it about a woman that turns men’s heads, that seize our bodies and minds, and makes us do foolish things? If I really think about, I realize I have no clue, in fact; I fall in love about 50 times a day (the cute girl who rings you up at Copy Rite in the basement of the LSC, the cute GNC girl in the mall.any number of places really). Completely head over teakettle for someone I don’t even know, and in about 3 seconds I’m over it and on with life.

But why?

Nonetheless, we all think about sex, some too much and others not enough; what you may not realize is there are a few rules us guys (most of us anyway) live by. These rules are the unwritten code by which, in order to succeed at life, you must follow. You must never question the rules; they are in place for your safety so no one gets hurt or killed out there.

The first rule would be the easiest: no dudes. This goes with out saying, unless you’re into that sort of thing, which is totally fine.

Second, on our surprisingly short list: no redheads and no hairdressers. The only exception to this is if you think she’s hot enough to have her burn down your room when said hairdresser/redhead is mad at you, or you’ve never been with either, in which case you should experience it once in you life, otherwise, steer clear. (Side note: If you by chance meet a redheaded hairdresser, kindly introduce yourself to the devil and quickly get the hell out of there.)

And finally, the third rule every guy must live by is it’s never a sure thing. Not even after it happened. She’s not a notch on your belt, ever (oh, and don’t ever discuss the belt thing either.that’s not a good plan.)

Face it: for the most part women are a mystery to most of us guys. Men’s Health printed, that in a recent study, the majority of men surveyed thought the clitoris was located inside the vagina. (Side note: That takes the cake for the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I don’t know who this study was done on, but 8th graders don’t count.)

Could this be because women are not properly helping their men with the enigma that is the female reproduction organs? You can be demanding, you want us to be mind readers in bed, be attentive to your every need without seeming too attached or clingy, etc. And if that’s not enough, you want us to listen (still haven’t figured out how to do that one, especially when you’re rambling on about god knows what).

The truth is guys are more goal oriented and all about action: what do I have to do to achieve said goal? I realize one statement makes us look way more calculated then we really are. In fact it’s an “I’m better then you” thing. If you take anything, give it a system of levels which one can progress through. Guys everywhere will become completely addicted to it.

Women, on the other hand, are more thought out. You want to see every option 5 or 6 times before making a decision. “Well, I’ve see the black dress with these shoes, but what if I add a purse in the mix. Ooooh, that might be nice.”

Kevin Dudley is a senior natural resources major. His “Dudley Do Right” column appears every other Monday in the Collegian and every other Monday on Replies and feedback can be sent to

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