Nov 072006
Authors: Kevin Dudley

As another election passes, Americans have chosen who will help lead our country into the short-term future. Yet as time passes, the youth of today (who are just as fat and lazy as we are) will take control of our proverbial chariot and all of the issues of today’s society will come to rest on their chubby, little, Adderall-addicted shoulders.

Whether we know it or not we happen to be setting them up for either astonishing failure or great success, neither of which they are being prepared for.

As President Hoover once said: “Children are our most valuable resource.” Those words are no less true today then when that Quaker bastard (who is solely responsible for the Great Depression; don’t even get me started on him) spoke them in the late 1920s. Yet we tend to forget what type of examples we are setting for these little rascals.

These kids are growing up in a junk-food-eating, video-game-playing, sue-happy, blame-anybody-and-everybody type of world and it’s starting to show. We take away competition, bullies, responsibility for your own actions and what are we left with? We’re left with the future leader of America.

Scary, huh?

I want a leader who have experienced some hard times. One who had to learn how to deal with a wedgie and a swirly from a group of older kids, one with ears entirely to large for his head, just for having his socks pulled up to high and wearing red on that national D.A.R.E day thing (I think I’m going to file this under Don’t Ask).

So this past weekend I took it upon myself to help out with our problem. I went to one of Fort Collins’ city parks in search of an adolescent to play basketball with (actually, it could have been any game).

My plan was to punk him, just really put a wuppin’ on him and then rub it in his face real good like. Let him know there are some people out there who will run up while you’re in a park minding you own business, make you play a game you don’t want to, then make fun of you for not being any good at it and run off. Then I would hide in a bush and observe his reactions (it’s in the name of science, people).

I was expecting to have many options in a test subject (I would, of course, pick the fattest one, for science). I expected a lot of crying and whining, which would have somehow proved my hair-brained scheme correct and moral.

That was the plan.

To my surprise, there was not one child in the park. I had to resort to a favorite pastime of mine, throwing stuff at stuff in hopes of stumbling upon one. After some time and a lot of stuff thrown at other less-movable stuff, I gave up and went home.

Although my plan was not able to be tested, it did prove another point. In this day in age (and it seems silly to have to point this out) kids need to get outside, play, deal with problems on their own and learn important social skills without the keen eye of their parents. If we hope to have effective leaders of tomorrow, we should be preparing them a little better then we are. Otherwise, we’ll just end up with a bunch of spineless, sissy leaders much like Canada. Take that!

Kevin Dudley is a senior natural resources major. His column appears every Wednesday in the Collegian. Replies and feedback can be sent to

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