Well, this is the last column I write before Election Day (which is tomorrow in case you didn’t know). And there’s so much to write about!
The first thing that comes to mind is simply to tell everyone to vote tomorrow and threaten massive retaliation if you don’t (thanks to Facebook, I know where you sleep).
Unfortunately in her Friday column, Hilary Davis effectively destroyed any arguments I was going to make. She’s absolutely right – why would you sacrifice 15 minutes of your precious time to help decide the direction of our state and country for the next two years?
I also thought about writing a column denouncing John Kerry and his incredibly offensive remarks about the men and women in our military.
Then I realized that inserting the word “us” (so the sentence says “You get us stuck in Iraq” instead of “You get stuck in Iraq”) dramatically changes the meaning of his speech from saying soldiers are stupid (Kerry himself served in the armed forces, so he’d be calling himself stupid as well) to calling Bush and his administration stupid.
The possibility that Kerry made a mistake of leaving out one word seems much more likely than deliberately insulting the armed forces.
Then there’s always pot. That’s been a major staple of my column lately, and I could probably come up with a few more reasons why you should vote yes on Amendment 44.
However, if you still think that people should be put behind bars for ingesting a relatively harmless substance that has minimal negative effects on society, I don’t think any amount of reason, logic, statistics or facts are going to impart even a semblance of sanity in your head.
So what else is there? Oh yeah, negative ad campaigns piss me off. But writing about how much BS they are full of would only aggravate me further, and I’d like very much to get through election season without having an aneurism.
I could also write about supporting domestic partnerships, endorsing Paccione, or what’s wrong with increasing the minimum wage, but the Collegian editorial board has preempted me on all of those subjects as well.
Oh, that does bring up another point that’s been bugging me. In many letters to the editor lately, people have been complaining about the extreme liberal bias of the Collegian. After thinking over the past few weeks of opinion pages in the Collegian, I realized the truth of that assertion.
Columnists are generally left-leaning and the Collegian editorial board has endorsed Democrat after Democrat! But wait, editorials and opinion columns are supposed to be biased (read the Denver Post if you don’t believe me).
That’s why they’re called editorials and opinion columns (if you think the Collegian’s actual news reporting is biased, however, that’s a different story all together). True, it would be nice to see some more columns on the conservative side, but unfortunately only a few Republicans actually applied for the position.
Well, those are only a few of the important subjects I had to choose between this week to write about.
Ironically, instead of writing a column on any specific topic that actually may have had an important impact on people before the election, I took the easy way out and wrote a rambling, incoherent column that probably made everyone dumber for having read it (I love “Billy Madison”).
I hope I didn’t disappoint too many people.
Andy Nicewicz is a senior political science major. His column appears every Monday in the Collegian. Replies and feedback can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org.