No More ‘Roids for CAM

Oct 112006
Authors: Anne Farrell

I’ve come to the conclusion following the Homecoming Parade that costumed characters are pretty freaky. Take for instance the Chippers lane’s Mr. and Mrs. Chipmunk. As if it isn’t bad enough we already have humongous squirrels on this campus let’s add a couple that are outright creepy and strangely proportioned.

There’s always that one person out there who is outright scared to death of people in bizarrely furry oversized outfits. Those are probably the kids who made the mistake of looking up while giving Minnie Mouse a hug and caught a glimpse of Johnny Teenager, overheating in the Florida humidity and sweating buckets hoping he doesn’t squash a small child since he can’t see out the half inch diameter mesh holes that some genius decided should be called eyes.

I want to say I remember having that experience, but I was four when I went to Disneyland and chances are its one of those memories that was created by hearing someone else talk about it happening to them on the playground during kindergarten recess.

My personal favorites are the people who have to dress up at Chucky Cheese or Red Robin; it’s like what server drew the short straw today. Once in costume the poor soul has to maneuver around overcrowded tables, precautious balanced serving trays and then there’s always that one kid that screams because they don’t want the balloon from the big scary bird in board shorts.

I can only imagine the only costume character’s whose internal counterpart is allowed to maintain any shreds of dignity are team mascots. Seriously when else can you dance like a fool and provoke fights with other oversized animals/cartoon character in jerseys. It takes a lot to be a team mascot, one of the requirements is that you can do a back flip although I can’t personally think of a time where I have seen CAM the Ram even attempt that. That might be because CAM has a difficult enough time walking with his enormous biceps to attempt any gymnastic moves.

In the last three years our beloved CAM has gone from a soft furry friend who pokes fun at the Ram Fans and take pictures with small children, to Arnold SwartzerCam, who bulging muscles rival most body builders. Granted I’m sure his new and improved muscular stance will strike fear into the hearts of the Giant Armadillo (of the restaurant) and the Plush Wyoming Cowboy but if our athletes shouldn’t be on ‘roids, should our mascot be allowed to.

Let’s all band together and get CAM off the juice before he starts to lose his fur and get overly aggressive, and I’m really starting to fear that if this behavior continues much longer at there wont be any more little Cammie’s running around either.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

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