Apr 092006
 
Authors: JP Eichmiller

CSU athletics is in dire straits. To right the ship will require some fresh, forward thinking.

As a first step, I would recommend following the trendy path of so many Major League Baseball teams and instead of hiring some geriatric retread, the university should employ an ambitious twenty-something – not unlike myself. Not only that, but I have dominated fantasy leagues to the point that I have been blacklisted.

Now that that is out of the way, let’s get down to what it will take to make CSU an athletic juggernaut. Let me warn you that some of these changes will be painful, and that the likely expenses are going to cause ripple effects throughout the university. But worry not, future revenues will pay off any debt incurred by tenfold.

/Stage 1 – To hell with Hughes

The ancient, misplaced home of the Ram football team needs to be relocated to the CSU campus. Visit virtually any successful football program in the nation, and you will find a gleaming football stadium located in the heart of campus.

Improvements to come with a new stadium include increased revenue from private boxes and increased seating capacity. Because the stadium will be located within walking distance (and it will house more than two bathrooms and ATMs), attendance will likely double.

/Stage 2 – No more deadbeat coaches

Colorado state law allows for a limited amount of CSU faculty to possess multi-year contracts. No such contracts should be given to CSU coaches with losing records. Also, according to the Office of Post Secondary Education, CSU men’s coaches earn an average of $281,207 annually while women’s coaches average $119,269. Both of these statistics need to be reduced dramatically. Use the saved money to fire and pay off any inept coaches still clinging to their contracts.

These salaries represent what is wrong with America today. Executives at the top are getting overpaid for mediocre performances. Cut the pay and make the coaches earn the money. With success will come increased pay.

Stage 3 – Bring club sports into the fray

For some unknown reason, club sports at CSU are excelling at a level only dreamed of by the varsity athletics. Actually, maybe this makes perfect sense because they have not been brought down by the ineptitude that runs so rampant throughout the university. A cruel lesson of the near past is that the further an organization distances itself from CSU, the more likely it is to achieve success.

This can be changed, however, and we should embrace our club sports cousins. Hockey, lacrosse and baseball should all become varsity athletics before the other schools in our conference pick them up and surpass our abilities.

All of this is, of course, just a beginning. The process will be slow, but it is too late to just worry about fixing the kitchen sink, at this point the whole house needs to be torn down and rebuilt.

JP Eichmiller is the Collegian’s editor in chief.

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