Apr 022006
Authors: Ryan Skeels

There are two types of people in this world: Horror movie fans, and everybody else. If you’re part of the latter category and have caught one of the previews for “Slither,” then you’ve probably already wasted no time in putting it on your permanent ‘no watch’ list. I, however, haven’t gotten the chance to review a horror movie in a long time and have lost countless hours of sleep over the last few weeks thinking of the slugs, zombies and monsters “Slither” promised to deliver.

The story begins with an asteroid burning and breaking up as it tears its way through the Earth’s atmosphere at lightning speeds. Unfortunately for the backwoods hick town of Wheelsy, a small portion of the rock survives the trek along with a hitchhiking blob of alien goo. Later in the night, Wheelsy resident Grant Grant, played by “Mallrats” game show producer Michael Rooker, has a tiff with his wife Starla and finds himself wandering through the woods, stumbling upon the goo and getting an alien stinger shot into his chest.

Thus begins an alien infestation of slugs, a massive blob of a woman with an insatiable diet for whole animals, acid vomiting zombies and Grant Grant slowly morphing into a raw meat-slurping squid creature. Never having had to deal with something as crazily catastrophic as this, Starla teams up with local deputy Bill Pardy, played by Nathan Fillion, and the two try everything possible to restore normalcy to Wheelsy.

The bottom line is that if you don’t appreciate campy eye-rolling humor, gory mutilated farm animals and pointless plotless storylines, you may want to choose an alternative flick for the evening. The only thing I didn’t really dig about this slug-fest is the acting on Rooker’s part during his short-lived, pre-infection human self. However, it’s not too big of a deal since his encounter with the goo happens at square one.

As much as I loved it, I’ve got to admit that upon learning of the release of “Slither,” I was offended for a couple reasons. First of all, the preview took the time to say that all the classic horror flicks were for wusses, and secondly, it made it look like it was going to be a complete rip-off of the 1988 epic flick “Slugs.” Eventually, and thankfully, I got over the poor taste in marketing and realized the slug-creatures aren’t the only baddies involved. Thank you, gore-gods for changing my mind – it made for one badass night at the movies.

4 out of 5 Rams

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

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