I’m not Irish, but I try

Mar 082006
Authors: Jenny Ivy

Top o' the…well, whatever time it is in class you're reading this to ya' fellow CSU students.

I will start off with a quote from the great 19th century author John Stuart Mill: "I know tolerably well what Ireland was, but have a very imperfect idea of what Ireland is."

Enough said.

Quite simply, I do not have a drop of Irish blood in me. But like so many revved up Spring Breakers this year, I will be celebrating St. Patty's Day as though my last name were McIvy. It's catchy, yes, but the name is only cute one day out of the year – all the more reason to revel in all that comes out of the land of green pastures.

Be it the luck of the Irish, students are looking forward to Spring Break and as if that weren't celebration enough, we are also going to be able to partake in St. Patty's Day celebrations during this most coveted vacation time. That said, I've provided you lads and lasses with five must haves for St. Patrick's Day:


1. Green clothing. Even if it is your dad's cut-up 1980 CSU green sweatshirt that is now used for an oil rag, it does the job.

2. A "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" T-shirt. It's tradition. Everybody's Irish on March 17. Mistle-toe's got nothing on this grand ol' tradition.

3. Green Beer (if you are 21 or older). Killian's Irish Red is a favorite St. Patty's Day beer and Guinness makes a stiff stout, but if you're working with dye, it's best to use a lighter-colored lager. Three to six drops of green food coloring will give it that shamrock green distinction.

4. A limerick to impress your friends, be they Irish or not. A limerick is a five-line Irish poem that is humorous and usually makes no sense. The first, second and fifth lines rhyme, and the third and fourth lines rhyme. Kick off the first line with "There once was a man from…" and you're off to the right start.

5. Irish slang. We're all familiar with the lads and lasses bit, but if you really want to get into the Irish spirit, throw on a couple Colin Ferrell interviews, pick up on the dialect and throw around these words and phrases to convince those around you that St. Patty's Day was truly invented for you smarty-pants linguists.

Arseways – complete mess; "I did it all arseways"

Bird – girl, girlfriend

Black stuff – Guinness

Bog – restroom

Bolloxed – very drunk

Cake-hole – mouth

Cheeky – disrespectful

Cheesed off – annoyed, angry

Dosser – lazy person

Gobsmacked – very surprised

Hooley – party/celebration

Hump off – go away, leave me alone

I will in me ring – I will not!

I am in me wick – I am not!

Jar – a pint

Juicy – pretty

Mot – girlfriend

Off your nut – crazy

Piss up – night of big drinking

Spuds – potatoes

Suckin' diesel – having a good time

Trap – mouth

Twisted – very drunk

Wrecked – tired

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