"Date Movie" ruins lives.
By: Ryan Skeels
I must say that THE worst decision I've made as the Collegian movie columnist is paying to attend this weekend's nation-wide release of "Date Movie."
That's right, I know the trailers were enough to win the flick the "worst movie of all time," not to mention "worst screenplay of all time" and "worst idea to ever pop into someone's head, next to 'Scary Movie 4,'" which is also due to release later this semester.
This god-awful attempt at spoof comedy stars everyone's favorite flute girl, Alyson Hannigan, as the overweight and self-esteem lacking Julia Jones. Julia's looking for the man of her dreams and just can't seem to figure it out for herself, so of course what's she gotta do? Why nothing other than stop by the little person's "Hitch" wannabe played by the usually sort of funny Tony Cox.
Hitch, with the help of his car auto body shop buddies, gives Julia the body she's always wanted and gets her on the fast track to a successful love life. In case this doesn't already sound like every lame-ass plot you've ever seen, try this on for size: Julia not only finds a man who fills her every last wish, it turns out he was in love with her before she got a few hundred pounds sucked out of her and into a mayonnaise jar! Nope, it's not a joke, and the flick only got more and more out of control with a nonstop bombardment of absurdity. I don't have enough fingers and toes to even begin the count of how many times I wanted to walk out.
There are probably only one or two people reading this thinking it was a good move to give this flick a chance and that's probably an overly optimistic assumption. I guess the dead giveaway to skip this one should have been the fact that two of the writers from the first three "Scary Movie" films wrote and directed it.
I should probably throw it out there that I remember thinking a couple of times, maybe even a handful, that certain parts would probably make me laugh if my intelligence hadn't already dropped to zero. If this flick makes enough in the box office to profit even $1, I'll be 100 percent surprised. On the flip side, for those of you looking for an easy way to ruin a night out with that special someone, "Date Movie" may very well be the prescription.
Negative five out of five. ZERO!!