Ram Talk

Feb 012006

To those who find the crossword impossible, here's a helping tip: they tend to cleverly disguise the solutions in curious objects called books. As luck would have it, we actually have a building full of them … it's the one you typically walk AROUND to get to lunch everyday. Next time, ditch the Dog, shut off Segal, chuck Chuck and flip through the pages of that thing propping up the coffee table.

Has it occurred to anyone that all these tasteless jokes about Chuck Norris might incur his bearded wrath and he will come and administer roundhouse-kicking revenge? Just a thought.

Steven Segal has mastered the "I'll Stand Rigidly and Let You Run Into My Fist" style of fighting. I believe he learned from the same master who instructed Michael Keaton's Batman.

Recently, I was pulled over by a CSUPD officer…on a BIKE. I don't mean he was on a bike, I mean I was on a bike. Lights, siren – the whole nine yards. Now I don't mean to go on a bitch-fest here, but am I the only one who thinks it's absolutely RIDICULOUS that a cop can pull over a biker and then write him a $23 ticket for not licensing his roommate's bike?

To whoever scraped my bumper with theirs on Lake Street Tuesday between 12 and

4 p.m.: I would love to teach you the size of your car and how to parallel park.

Thanks a lot, you jack.

Chuck Norris, Dog the Bounty Hunter and Steven Segal all pale in comparison to the bad boy known as…Elmo. Not only good with kids, this little red powerhouse beat up all of Charlie's Angels, slapped Tony Soprano and committed unspeakable acts to Mr. Miyagi. Also, "tickle-me" version was a total lady's man.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

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